SELAH Jubilee Lady Writes 4 Shalom

This is what The LORD GOD; YeHoVaH Elohim wants to say to HIS PEOPLE this morning;

STOP MOURNING, STOP FEARING, STOP PANDERING, AND PANICKING OVER THIS DISEASE!!!!!

This “Corona” must bow to the Stripes of Yeshua Ha Messiach! Stop fearing it! There is NO CROWN ABOVE YESHUA!!!

Stop accrediting this pitiful “weapon” with the death of my saints! Pick up your faith and declare that BY HIS STRIPES YOU HAVE BEEN HEALED! I will heal ALL who STAND BY FAITH on THAT WORD!!!! NO WEAPON FORMED AGAINST YOU SHALL PROSPER! Unless you willingly succumb to it! Or let fear rob you of your faith!!!! PUT UP THE SHIELD OF FAITH, GET THAT ARMOR ON! WAR HAS BEEN DECLARED!

This foul weapon of the enemy against the United States has come to destroy, to plunder, and to give power to those under his influence! It has come to wear out the saints – because they are FINALLY beginning to awaken!!!

BUT - I have allowed it to even exist - as judgment - to wake up my people, and to cleanse the Body of The Anointed One – most of whom have not yet walked in that Anointing!

Please understand that this foul, man-made disease, this literal weapon that was formed against MY Nation of grafted in ones, has NO POWER OVER MY OWN!!!

SO - Those who have willingly succumbed to it have done so out of weariness, if they had not succumbed to this disease they would have found something else to which they would succumb. Plus the enemy is desperate and always listening. STOP giving him open doors through which to attack you! Stop running from and looking for this disease behind every rock, sniffle, cough and pain!

Please hear Me on this - I will not make any of my servants stay, who are not willing to fight. I need warriors in this hour. Warriors on the scene, and warriors called intercessors behind the scenes!

This is like the situation with Gideon. Those who had no courage went home,of their own accord. And those who were foolish and presumptive were sent home, by the Word of the Lord to Gideon! Some of my servants are being called home, because they are worn out. It is time for others to take the baton! Stop putting your trust in people and TRUST IN MY WORD. I DO NOT LIE!!!!

I Am not playing anymore. I Am not waiting anymore. I Am ready to establish MY Kingdom on the Earth. I Am going to decimate the false religions which have taken on The Name of My Son! DO NOT CALL YOURSELF CHRISTIAN - “Little Anointed One” - IF YOU HAVE NO INTENTION OF LETTING MY SPIRIT CLEANSE AND ANOINT YOU”!

Get IN STEP with My Spirit and My Will, or just Get Out entirely. Choose LIFE. On purpose. By Faith. Or Choose death by default, procrastination, laziness, apathy, negligence and just generally refusing to die to the flesh, in order to LIVE by my Spirit. IN THIS SEASON THE JUSTIFIED SHALL LITERALLY LIVE BY FAITH! BUT NO MORE PLAYING CHURCH FOR THOSE CALLED BY MY NAME!!!!

Those who will not attend MY WORD and MY SPIRIT shall succumb to one of the many offers of death which surround them! MY ANOINTED ONE IS THE WAY, THE TRUTH AND THE LIFE!And NO ONE enters My Kingdom apart from HIM! If you are not walking in the spirit, then you are walking in the flesh. If you will not heed my voice, then you will be constantly confused by the voice of the world, the flesh and the devil, because they are one entity. The contrary trinity.

The enemy of mankind is first and foremost MY enemy! He has no power that I have not allowed, and which YOU my prime creation has not given him! But in rebellion he has taken all of My patterns and perverted them to offend and insult Me. Though I have given him room to return, I've given him time, and I have given My people the Anointing, Authority and Power to keep him subjected to them, My people keep giving their power to him, and he continues his stubborn rebellion! But not for much longer! I am ready to come and do all out war with him, and put him, once and for all, in his own place, the kingdom of utter darkness.

I have not done so because he was also a precious creation of mine, whom I cherished. I have been long suffering. I have given mankind the Power to overcome him. So that maybe, even he might repent and return to My service in humility.

But that has not happened. So I am gathering my forces. I am cleansing the earth of the weaker ones, the ones who won't endure the warfare that is coming. In mercy I am letting them come home to me. They have run as much of their race as they are willing and able to run. But many of them have not been able to find the strength and courage in Me, which I provided, nor have they found the help in My leadership which they needed! So I am removing much of that leadership as well.

That is also more of an act of mercy than it is judgment. Their judgment fell upon my Son. So though they have failed in many ways, their clinging to His Grace has brought them to me, if a bit earlier than planned.

But those of you who wish to see this through, those of you who wish to finish this race, those of you loyal ones who are determined to lay crowns at the feet of My Son, Who I have set upon My Throne, at my Right Hand, to My Joshuas and Calebs - I say this;

TIME IS COMING TO AN END SOON. I DO NOT GIVE A SET TIME. IT WILL BE WHEN FEW EXPECT. BUT MY WORD WILL BE ACCOMPLISHED! MY NAME WILL BE VINDICATED IN AMERICA, ISRAEL, AND ALL THE OTHER NATIONS WHO HAVE COME INTO MY FOLD THROUGH THE WORK OF MY SON AND HIS FOLLOWERS!

I AM RAISING UP AN ARMY OF WORSHIPERS! I AM RAISING UP AN ARMY OF INTERCESSORS! IN FACT, I HAVE HAD A REMNANT OF EACH THE WHOLE WAY, AND THEY WILL NOW COME TO THE FOREFRONT AND TAKE THEIR PLACE OF HONOR AMONG MY PEOPLE!

I AM SEEKING THOSE WHO WILL BE AS WISE AS SERPENTS, YET AS GENTLE AS DOVES. I AM SEEKING THOSE WHO WILL NOT WALK IN DENIAL, RELIGIOUS DEAD WORKS OR DOCTRINES OF DEMONS. I AM LOOKING FOR THOSE WHO HAVE TURNED FROM THAT RELIGIOUS FOOLISHNESS WHICH HAS A MERE FORM OF GODLINESS, BUT HAS DENIED ACCESS TO THE POWER!

I AM LOOKING FOR THOSE WHO HAVE PRESSED PAST ALL OF THAT TO FIND ME, THE ONE, TRUE, LIVING GOD!

I AM LOOKING FOR THOSE WITH COURAGE, FAITH AND LOVE – TO TRANFORM THIS NATION AND THIS PLANET FOR MY KINGDOM.

I AM COMING SOON! CHOOSE, ALL OF YOU, THIS DAY, WHOM YOU WILL SERVE!!!!

TODAY IS THE DAY OF SALVATION FROM ETERNAL DEATH! TODAY.

STOP PUTTING ME OFF. STOP SHOVING ME TO THE SIDE. STOP TRAMPLING MY WORD UNDER FOOT, IGNORING IT FOR WORTHLESS NOVELS, AND ELECTRONIC DIVERSIONS.

IT IS INDEED TIME THAT MY PEOPLE, WHO ARE CALLED BY MY NAME, HUMBLED THEMSELVES, SOUGHT MY FACE AND TURNED FROM THEIR WICKED WAYS – SO THAT I CAN THEN, HEAR THEIR VOICE, FORGIVE THEIR SINS AND HEAL THEIR LAND!!!!

Listen carefully My dear children, YOU, not the enemy, not this frail viral construction, not any power known to man, YOU have the POWER of LIFE AND DEATH. YOU have MY Anointing, Authority and Spirit at your disposal. But YOU must come to Me, submit to My Spirit and LEARN FROM HIM how to put that power to use effectively! Do it now! Come now! Run! Do not walk! Do not hesitate.

If you fall while running toward me I will pick you up! Just come. I am not looking for the perfect! I am looking for those who are willing, ready, to be perfected! COME TO ME, ALL WHO ARE WEARY AND HEAVY LADEN, FIND REST FOR YOUR SOULS, FOR MY YOKE IS EASY, AND MY BURDEN IS LIGHT! Where I guide I provide. And I will strengthen you for the battle ahead. And I will bring you home in honor, when you have finished YOUR race to the full.

Come my people. Do not delay. Do not resist another day!

I need you to walk in My love, and don My Power from above!

I ask that you lay down that flesh, and enter My beloved Rest!

I've sent My Spirit to guide you on, but you must follow My dear Son!

His Spirit and Anointing True, is all you need to strengthen you!

So awake My Body, come to life, lay aside your excuses, put down that strife;

and run with patience the rest of your race, so that one day you can rest, and see My Face!

Your Loving, Abba

(* Disclaimer: The visual indicates the cover of a book, which exactly expressed the feelings associated with what I am writing. I have not read this book, however, so I can not recommend, nor discourage the reading of it...it looks like one I might have to read though.... just sayin')

~~~~~~~  

Empty nesting has proven a bit disconcerting,

so to fill all the “empty”, and quiet the hurting,

God's Spirit's been renovating, alerting,

to things past and present, which have been so diverting.

Sorting dust-laden stuff of days gone by,

both laughter and tears, makes my full heart sigh;

storms turned to peace, dreams which lived, though some died,

all demonstrating a Faith that's been tried.

Working through memories, a forgotten maze,

denial cast aside, to embrace those past days,

yet feeling a bit of nostalgic haze;

while trying to avoid the usual daze.

Many issues now conquered, still I find I must press,

through tendencies long practiced, my real past to address.

I can't turn away, or just bury the mess,

I must turn to God, He'll handle the stress!

I'm better now, though than ever before;

His wonderful Grace helps me open that door.

Though it's meant there've been times that I've wept on the floor,

still His Spirit's revealing that there's been so much more.

I see more than failure when I look through things past.

I see a rich family, in which real things last.

I see seven children who grew up way too fast.

Yet a hope that weaves those battered sails to the mast.

I see lots of laughter, through a fair share of pain,

I see some disaster, yet I see much more gain,

I see some mistakes that tempt my soul to disdain,

and yet, through it all, I hear a Faithful refrain.

At some point us humans must learn to accept,

We're flawed, born fallen, though He's paid our debt;

we've accepted His Grace, yet we dare not forget,

that we're in Transformation, and aren't perfect yet!

Our grand expectations must be nailed to the cross,

where He took all our failures and counted them loss!

We must now truly let our Good God be the boss,

so aside, all the pride, with dashed dreams, must be tossed.

Then looking to Him to finish our Faith,

we must pick up His cross and continue this race.

No matter if contradictions in life we must face;

we will run, for the prize, being strengthened by Grace!

So pack up the memories, their purpose they've served.

Be careful lest looking back, from His path you may swerve.

Trust all the successes, and all that unnerved,

To the ONE Whose good plan for us is yet undeterred.

And tread forward in boldness, forgetting the Old.

It's IN with the NEW, it is time that we sold,

everything that we have, to run after His Gold,

the pleasure of Him, Who has rescued our soul!

In Joy or in sorrow, I won't push aside,

The One Who has called me to be by His side,

The One who has called me to be His Bride;

From Him there is nothing that can now divide!

So with Him as the prize , I now firmly declare,

in Faith I've determined to get all the way there.

I'll finish this race, and I'll win fair and square,

And when He comes again, we will meet in the air!

But for now, I press on, with my eyes on the prize,

of bringing His Kingdom down from the skies,

increasing it's weight and enlarging it's size,

Redeeming the lost, opening up those blind eyes!

Gladly letting the past go, to embrace what's to come,

to walk in His Anointing, with The Spirit, and The Son,

Doing all that He did, and even MORE's to be done,

Before He is willing and able to come!

So let's rally the troops, unite the redeemed,

Get rid of the liberal and conservative dreams!

Lay aside all religious, political schemes,

To join The Spirit of our Anointed True King!

To see His Father's Business done,

we must unite with The Anointed Son,

we must let His Spirit make us One,

then finish this race, come on, let's run!

Selah....

SCD

1/25/22

(Or - "Why do the Prophetic Words seem to be failing - or, at least, Hesitating?")

Many of us might be asking ourselves questions like - Why isn't God intervening yet? Why it is OUR responsibility to,  '”bind the strongman, and take back the goods he's stolen”?  Why are our prayers bouncing off the ceiling? What's going on here?

Well, it's actually quite simple. God set it up so that Adam – representing mankind (His primo Creation) would be in charge of the planet. And that plan has not varied. That means that HE gave US, not only free will, but Authority over what goes here. WE are to be HIS ambassadors here. WE are to establish HIS Kingdom here. In the earth, as it is in Heaven. 

The problem has been with mankind. Ever since Adam aided and abetted Eve in seceding, and surrendering, that power and authority to the devil, instead of stepping up and preventing it, therefore giving the devil what was OUR (Mankind's) God Appointed legal “custody” of Earth!

Of course, Yeshua came to get that back! AND HE DID! However, He has NOW left US, the bunch of rather dim-witted humans we've chosen to act like, in charge of it! He DID go to the trouble to explain the LAW to us first, and to demonstrate how GOD prefers it to work, AND, He DID leave His Spirit down here to train, instruct and empower us!

BUT – the issue is that WE don't cooperate with His plan!!!! Meaning that we do not READ that Word, Work that Word, Obey that Word, and/or show up for training IN that Word, on a regular enough basis to “renew our minds”, and “die to the flesh”, as far as how we reason, what we desire or how we behave! So His Anointing and Authority can not rest on us! He will NEVER anoint the flesh! Forget about it! 

The main issue is, of course, that the majority of the so called “church” treats The Word of The Living God like some fast food menu! Pridefully, stubbornly, religiously, picking the parts that their “denomination” has deemed important for acceptance in that particular “body”.

The problem with that limiting thinking however, is that most “churches” within the system, act like that particular “church” or “body”, is the ONLY “church” that is “getting it right”, and that if one doesn't adhere to their particular set of doctrines, and kiss the backside of their “leadership”, one is done-for!

So, the result of that flawed, demonic, denominational system (and the word “denomination” actually means division, go figure), is that those who are supposed to be "The Body of The Anointed One" in the earth, have, by and large, with few exceptions, reaped Epic Failure, in that plan of redemption.

We have, sadly, come to resemble more, the valley of the dry bones, in which all the Body parts lie devastated, separated from each other, and dried up from years of sitting under "teachings" which are merely “doctrines of demons”, man-adjusted religious twaddle, which may or may not “have a form of godliness”, yet clearly, “denies the POWER (a.k.a. ANOINTING & AUTHORITY) thereof”!!!!!!

This is, therefore, yet another, year of Revival - Resurrection - of that which our apathy, negligence has allowed to die, a slow, and ignominous death!  It is ONCE AGAIN - a year of RESET. In which The Spirit of Almighty God is STILL trying to get us lug-heads to get our heads out of our Netflix or Pureflix (or the myriads of other distractions, by which we are so easily set off course) and into HIS WORD, SEEKING HIS FACE, so that we can be TRAINED UP to BE ABOUT OUR FATHER's BUSINESS! As Commissioned by our Lord, Chief and General Yeshua The Anointed One!

Seriously!!! It is TIME TO STOP THE PLAYING, AND BEGIN OBEYING! STOP THE WHINING, AND COME OUT SHINING! STOP THE DOUBT & POUT, SO WE CAN STOP DOING WITHOUT!!!! BE A MAN (responsible grown up), AND GET WITH HIS PLAN!!!

You get the idea …. #CHOOSEYOUTHISDAY ….. It is seriously time to reevaluate the use of our time and resources, because those will expose just who and what it is that we've been serving!

As the great prophet Elijah said to the worshippers of his day – “IT IS TIME THAT WE STOP WAVERING BETWEEN TWO OPINIONS! IF YEHOVAH IS GOD, THEN WORSHIP HIM!”

However, WE obviously have NOT decided. We find ourselves to be living in default mode -  which means that those other “gods” are now running the place! Self-appointed demonic, agents of social deterioration,  which WE have unwittingly, or dim-wittingly, elected, by default if not on purpose (because we've been a people who have had no real purpose, constantly wavering between flesh and spirit ). Therefore, those demonically inspired, false, wanna-be “gods”, are, thanks to us, in charge of our world - by our default! 

So, I ask us this morning, how is that working out for us?!

#Teshuvah # Repentance #TimeToChange !!!!!!!

Selah!

SCD

1/20/22

A “Heart-Burn” Word on A Lack of Compassion

This Morning's “Heart-Burn Word” centers around the story of Jonah, and the City of Ninevah (From the Book of Jonah, in The Bible). If you've never read that book in its entirety, then this a great opportunity to avail yourself. It has been made into everything from high drama plays and movies to silly children's stories on “Veggie Tales”, but the lessons are riveting, and life-changing, if taken seriously.

The point The Holy Spirit wanted to make to me, this morning, is that Jonah's story is one of MERCY, both to Jonah AND the wicked Ninevites, NOT JUDGEMENT!!!! Judgment was used, as it invariably is, to get their attention, so that repentance could provoke mercy instead!

We tend to get it all wrong, we tend to act like Jonah. First we run from giving the Prophetic Word – usually because we prefer to be people pleasers and therefore hate confrontation. Then, when we finally, begrudgingly agree to deliver the word, which are, of necessity, sometimes less pleasant than what folks prefer, we tend to assume all the wrong things about GOD's motives, due to our own filters, hardness of heart, etc.! As Jonah did in his story of an unlikely deliverance which followed his own “series of unfortunate events”, caused by a series of stubbornly stupid choices. Sound familiar? Keep reading!

God went to all the trouble to round up the main prophetic voice of that time, who regularly took the warnings to his own people, to assure that their repentance stayed current! However, this prophet was not keen on going to the enemy nation nearby to offer them the same service! He was, in fact, offended at the very suggestion! “They”, after all, were not God followers! Why should “they” have The Word of The LORD?! Plus, there was the little detail that if he whizzed them off they might murder him in cold blood and feed him to the fishes! So he did what many of us do when confronted by God and asked to perform a difficult task. He ditched and ran in the exact opposite direction!

So, being the determined Deity that He Is, God chased him down, and sent a storm to threaten the boat he had escaped on! Realizing that his disobedience was about to cause the probable deaths of a lot of innocent sailors, he had them throw himself overboard to save their lives and their boat. And when they did the storm ceased immediately and a huge fish swallowed him alive!!! But, faithfully, God kept him alive in the belly of that large fish (which everyone assumes was a whale), and then had the fish barf him up right on the shore of where he was supposed to go! Coincidence? I think not!

Then, when Jonah finally had the idea that God really, REALLY wanted HIM to deliver THIS MESSAGE to this very evil nation, he submitted himself to that task. He arrived in Ninevah on foot, smelling fishy, with seaweed all tangled in his hair! What a mess! But it made people hesitant to lay hand on him at least! So with a great energy and anointing he thundered out the message of certain judgment – if repentance was not immediate and thorough! Though he was fairly certain they had no intentions of repenting! And – then – having done his bit – he scurried to the top of a hill to camp out, “eat popcorn” (just a visual describing what I perceive to be his attitude, not scripturally sound) and watch the grand, also probably horrifying, destruction on his nation's sworn enemies!

Because, you see, HE had NO compassion for the trouble these people had put themselves in, nor ANY desire to see them actually REPENT. And it was the LAST thing he expected to happen!

God, however, seeing his eagerness to observe the destruction, then sent him some more object lessons, and he had to watch as the whole nation repented and came under God's Blessing instead of God's wrath!

Needless to say that he had a bit of repenting to do on his own! God was NOT pleased with his performance, his attitude of judgmentalism, or his extreme lack of compassion! That is NOT the kind of person God really wants representing Himself! But sometimes He is just limited to who is listening. At all. He works with what He has.

So, fast forward to today. We've received so many prophetic words about the destruction coming to those in authority in our nation – IF they do NOT repent and turn from their current methods and rebellion!

And, we all agree, those of us who know our Holy, Loving, Patient God, that God has every right to smash the tarnations out of these sickening, abortion pushing, power abusing, tyrrannical leftists, and cowardly, hypocritical, often spineless right-wingers!

But here is the lesson from Jonah, what are WE praying for in our intercession? Do we have our chairs drawn up, our beverages cooling, and our televisions tuned to the “news” channels, which will bring us the news of their down fall? So we can toast to our good luck, and get back to apathetic – or was it just pathetic – half-hearted “CHRINO” (Christians in Name ONLY) Life-styles we had BEFORE WE let them have the power that GOD entrusted to US!!!!

Are we who heard the Word, in January 2020, from II Chronicles 20, about “suiting up, showing up at the line of battle and worshiping” - so that GOD would then rout the enemy and bring us victory …. First of all – have we DONE ANY OF THAT?! Do we even know what, or where our armor is? Have we shown up with hearts full of trust and anticipation to worship our all delivering GOD?!

And, if we have – what is the outcome we are desiring? Are we hoping for the destruction of the people who have acted like enemies to us – or are we at war with the spiritual forces driving them, while hoping for THEIR deliverance?! Have we gotten so disgusted with their immorality that we have lost our compassion for their doomed souls?!

It is very easy to get up on our high horses of morality and look down upon those who've bought the enemy's lies. It is easy to burn with indignation at those involved in child trafficking! For example. And we should burn with indignation at the utter evil involved in using children that way. But we dare not forget that the people doing these evil acts were once children just like that. What happened to steal their virtue? Yeshua said that ALL have fallen short of the Grace of God! That is why He came. And while He was here he reached to the lowest of the low. Even while dying for sins that HE had not committed he redeemed a murderer, and cleansed him of that evil!

HE came, not to make yet another stale worthless religion, with His Name loosely attached! HE Came to be about HIS FATHER's business of REDEEMING FALLEN MANKIND!!! And THAT is what the story of Jonah is showing us – The Father's compassion toward even the most fallen, most evil, most impossible candidates on the planet! So. The burning question today is – do we burn with any of the compassion? Are we using His gifts for our own purposes instead of what He entrusted them to us for? Are we using them to build our own religious empires, or to deliver the lost from their inherited insanity? Are WE, especially those of us who make the extraordinary claim of “Being FILLED with HIS SPIRIT”, operating in His Anointing yet? Or are we so busy judging the impurities in others that we've gotten distracted from becoming pure enough for Him to operate through? Are we working as hard to renew our minds in His Word, as we are using it to magnify the sins of others?

Humility and Compassion are rare qualities. They usually come together. I think that the body of The Anointed One needs to seek HIS HEART for this world, and stop trying to be little judges. I think that we need to really “Humble ourselves under His mighty hand”, so that in due season HE can exalt us to the place of ministry that He needs us in! I think it is time that we stop prophesying what WE want, and actually hear HIS heart! Until we can get our own white-washed, sub par righteousness out of His Way, we can't really walk IN The Way. Until we can find the compassion which drove Our Lord to the cross, on our behalf, we will never join Him in being about His Father's business.

Selah …. #GotCompassion?!

(With An Exhortation From The Spirit.)

Where do I begin? We've each been, My hubby and I, trying to access “The Secret Place of The Most High” individually. But - (*exhortation alert) - I am hearing from The Spirit this morning, that He doesn't receive married couples the same way that He receives individuals!

On a level yes! Of course each one of us is “saved” by our own individual acceptance of Yeshua. and - if one of us just isn't listening to Him at all – then He will regard the other one individually, definitely. Since that other person's choice to ignore God is not our fault! But what I mean is that  “We” can not claim the promises of Psalm 91 fully, unless we claim them TOGETHER, IN HIM, in obedience to the kind of relationship that He has called us to in HIM, in Yeshua and with each other! It's why so many "Christian" couples aren't growing in their faith, or experiencing the promises of God in their lives! 

What I hear Him saying is that, for couples who are married, AND who have committed to following HIM TOGETHER, He PREFERS “us”coming into that place of most intimate fellowship (The Secret Place of The Most High) with Him, TOGETHER as well! So, when both have plugged in, signed on, and are attempting to bring His perfect will into the relationship, it becomes a joint God-seeking experience, not an, "I sort of  hope to see you in there", or an, "I'll race you", kind of thing. 

Just as we become part of the world-wide, ONE NEW MAN in Yeshua - at Salvation; so it is in marriage – which is a similarly prophetic mystery – wherein two are SUPPOSED to become ONE in HIM, and then HE becomes the third part of that "wheel", or complex union. He is, of course, the outside part, on which we roll, and which holds it all together! We, the married couple, are, functionally speaking, like the spokes, in the shape of a cross, which give the wheel stability to function in the earth! We become, with Him, a complex unity. Just as He Is with the Son and the Spirit.

To make this relationship function at optimum levels spiritually, we must learn to lay aside our individual preferences, differences, etc., especially the fleshly parts of those, and fully embrace the Anointing/Holy Spirit transformed spirit-being, which is our redeemed, renewed self! Because, God knows that MY spirit-woman – and my Husband's spirit-man – when we are walking in proper communion with God, will fit the wheel that HE has designed for US – in HIMSELF - perfectly!

“US”, however, which is a word that aptly describes that spiritual “togetherness” has been a very long journey for the man and I. One which has been fraught with obstacles, warfare, and which has required much intercession, and way more patience that I would have ever thought possible, or necessary! There have been a whole lot of tears, getting comfort from God, and finding the Grace to “stay put” until He could get through to the both of us!

Like Mary, the Mother of Yeshua, I have been “pondering" His words to me, "in my heart”, this whole journey! A journey which includes the 38 (swiftly going on 39) years we've been actually “married”, legally speaking. Along with the five years prior, of preparation, cleansing of the bride, etc., which led up to that event. Our marriage was considered to be utterly illogical by most people's standards, since it was not based on physical attraction, or romantic inclination, but was purely a God-ordained union. No one thought we'd make it. But. God.

God actually said to me (the first time I laid eyes on this man who was teaching in a coffee house); “That's the man you will marry, but don't say anything!!!! I will tell him Myself, when it's time.”. And I -  being new at hearing God, and not really considering marriage in my near future, especially since God had just made me quit dating the week or so before -  choked on the sip of coke I'd just swallowed! 

I had just gotten filled with His Spirit two weeks before, and one week before I had heard The Spirit say to me, “Stop dating so I can heal you.” So, really wanting to obey God, I shook hands with the really nice, financially and emotionally stable, good looking guy I'd been seeing, and we walked away.

And then, after God pointed my future husband out to me,  I waited, and waited. I went back to home town for a bit, because it was less painful to wait at a distance. But God saw fit to shut that down hard (I was fired from four jobs in under a year because the bosses all wanted to play and I refused), so I had moved in with my mentor, who lived in Stone Mountain, Georgia. This was year number four into this waiting period!  Living there was torture, because the man was right there, but SO far away! I felt invisible. He made no hint of being interested toward me at all, except as a fellow musician who ministered in music at prisons and stuff. So, during that frustrating time, I went, every day, to the park to pray, to be sure I'd heard God and wasn't just making stuff up! And every day The Spirit of God reassured me that He was working, and I just needed to trust. Being there, in close proximity to the clueless man was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life!

FIVE YEARS after speaking to me, God FINALLY said to this man, (or the man FINALLY heard it); “I don't want you to be single for me. To obey is better than Sacrifice. I appreciate your intentions in making that sacrifice – BUT - you two (he & I) will be better , and get more done for Me, TOGETHER than you could separately!”

Well. I think so!!!! If He was only referring to the results in the natural, which have taken place since our unlikely union! The eight kids (seven on earth, one in heaven) was the most immediate, physical, result of that reality! I sure could NOT have accomplished THAT all on my own! (Never mind that I couldn't have done THAT, even WITH him, without the healing and provision of Almighty God. But that's another story, which most of you know.)

But He wasn't just talking about the natural realm! The earth IS, of course, richer for our contribution of the seven lovely people, who are now responsible, respectable, productive, grown ups. But He was prophesying a spiritual crop. And the enemy must have been listening, because he has fought that “Together” Word from happening, the whole dang way!

In fact. In my observation, "we" have had only ONE NIGHT of real “togetherness”, of pure, "in-love" motivated passion,  in 38 years of hard marriage, until recently! The past year has shown some vast improvement sin communication, and reconnecting. So hopes deferred are - however slowly - finally - seemingly - becoming desires fulfilled! How do YOU spell RELIEF!!!!? It still isn't where I've envisioned it being, but the walls that were once blocking it are crumbling! 

Oh, don't get me wrong - it hasn't all been awful!!! We've both been dedicated,  even stubbornly determined, to staying “together” physically, on a level. Because we both KNOW what we heard!!! But to say that it has been a struggle is a HUGE understatement!  A physical lack of intimacy eventually followed the emotional lack, and we've been more business partners than "lovers", even on the most basic levels, for the last two decades! 

The marriage, what little spark it had, DIED. I did CPR on the thing as long as I could. I beat my head against every wall trying to find help for us, or for me! But when I began having memories of my extremely horrific, sexually abusive childhood, needless to say, "sex" became an even darker "horse" to me. And being that our sexual experience hasn't been that great, due to personal issues on both sides, including but not limited to a profound lack of real intimacy, well, it is sad to admit, but just letting it all just die seemed like a relief at the time.

I will say this, now that I see the problem for what it was, sex without emotional intimacy is not only just lust gone to seed, not only is it sin, but it is an empty,  extremely disappointing abuse of that part of the marriage relationship - and no one should be subjected to that!

There should be more help in the "church" for that mess! Instead of a lot of extremely misguided leadership putting all the pressure, and all the responsibility for the failure of love on us women, insisting that we act like sex slaves to keep men out of trouble! OY GEVAULT! It is time for the men of God to "grow a pair" and find out - from HIM - what they are for and how they should be used! Just sayin'! 

But, since any hopes of he and I becoming "we" , at that time, had begun to seem like the impossible dream, I just sort of turned my back on it, and busied myself with the kids. I had a two year old and several teens! AND aging parents! Who needed anything else! 

I also got tired of the "Isaac" prophecies, and the "Joseph" prophecies, etc., because they just kept reviving hope, that kept being smashed over and over again. It just hurt too badly to go on hoping. So I sort of buried it and just kept busy. It wasn't hard to work myself into exhaustion every day. He was diagnosed with diabetes, our sexual issues were blamed on that and we just stopped trying to be together physically. Eventually, as the years rolled on, the parents died off, and the kids moved out, we just made separate rooms, and maintained a civil, if strained, relationship.

Recently, however, after I just surrendered the whole thing to God, finally realizing that we can't have an “US” without both of us being willing to do the hard work that goes into the change that is necessary to have that!

Especially since, at the time, it seemed that either he wasn't willing or wasn't able, and I was just tired of trying to get him to find help, want help, or even just recognize the need for help! I was thinking that if I was having to work that hard maybe I was just pestering the poor man!

It just became very clear to me that we both have to lay down our reservations and come willingly - as we must come to God - or it is just no use trying. I realized, somewhat painfully, that I obviously can't make him want a relationship with me that requires that kind of sacrifice, repentance and paradigm shift! HE has to want it for himself!!! 

So I just keep giving the lovely dream of a wonderful marriage, with the kind of intimacy my heart has always longed for, back to God. And I have said to God, "No matter what I will follow You Father!  But please, for my sake, will You either resurrect this "dead horse" that was once a far off dream of our marriage – OR – can You please, mercifully, just allow us to bury it and walk away?  At least then I can get something done for You, God! I don't think I can take anymore deferred hopes!"

But, in answer,  I just keep hearing that Scripture in Habakkuk 2:3: “For the vision is yet for the appointed time; It hastens toward the goal and it will not fail. Though it tarries, wait for it; For it will certainly come, it will not delay.”

So I keep finding His Grace, day by day, to continue. He took me to Oregon for a bit, to give the man a chance to breathe, and think, and maybe see what life would look like without me. To let him know that he had a choice to make, that time was running out.

And, by God's grace, I was able to help some folks find deliverance, salvation and healing while I was there! That was a great break. I needed to feel useful again. Empty nesting, combined with a failed marriage, was crushing the little bit of life still left in me. Also he did realize that his opportunity to fix our marriage was slipping away, and he found some help. 

I mean, though it has been a personal struggle for me, there have been many lovely times too. After all, we are both God-lovers, both just trying to get our stupid flesh out of the way so we can serve Him more efficiently, to be able to know Him as He longs for us to! And there ARE things that we REALLY LIKE about each other! We share our love for our kids. Our love of music and art. Lots of things. However, emotionally and spiritually, and sexually at times, this union has been rather a nightmare for me, only surpassed, in fact, by my horrific childhood! And at times I've thought, "God, WHY ME?! Why must I endure SO MUCH REJECTION!!!" 

I think my mom had the answer to that question. Upon her death bed she confessed to me that she had tried to miscarry me. She said that she had “successfully miscarried the three before me, but that I was a stubborn little so and so!”

so my guess is that God needed that stubbornness for something! Like, perhaps, to stubbornly birth into reality a pattern of marriage that has rarely been manifested in The Body of The Anointed One!? To intercede FAMILY back into existence – in His people! And to take that model to the hurting, broken, world, in which everyone is medicating the loss of those family relationships!

We should not be surprised that Satan hates Godly Marriage! He hates anything that is meaningful to GOD – and which will actually BLESS His prime creation! He definitely hates the physical model which God Himself has set up to reflect the intimacy which He wants with His creation, that union through which LIFE comes!

So. Here we are. Now, with the turning of the year, going on 39 years into this adventure, which has seemed more like THE trial of our Faith, and we are not only renovating our 20 year old home, we are renovating our marriage!

“WE” meaning he and I, "we" are both FINALLY tuned in, along with The Holy Spirit, who is contributing downloads to both of us daily.

To me, His downloads are about letting go of the past, along with the bitterness it produced, despite my best efforts to avoid it. And to him, the Spirit's downloads are about letting go of the past, especially the guilt of what he did to produce much of that bitterness!

I'm here to tell you. The STRUGGLE IS REAL! And the download this morning, that, “We” can not claim the promises of Psalm 91, unless we claim them TOGETHER, IN HIM, in obedience to the kind of relationship that He has called us to in HIM, in Yeshua and with each other! It was a relief to finally hear what we can, and should, change - so that we can change some of our paradigms and issues! But also a challenge!

Still, as I am seeing more evidence of The Spirit at work in each of us every day, I am excited to anticipate "US" finding that place IN HIM, before too long! It is Written, “I – WE – can do ALL things through The Anointed One – Who strengthens US”!

So I am just rejoicing that, after all these decades, there finally IS an US! No more just a “sort of okay him”, and a “sort of okay me”. Though both of us have been used by God along the way, because God is just good like that, the goal has always been to be used by Him TOGETHER! AS ONE! God's mercy is everlasting and His Grace is sufficient! But today I am praising God that breakthrough is here!

So - I am expecting a LOT of positive CHANGE in the next bit. Stay tuned and hang onto your hats!

Selah & Shalom!

Oh, and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Going Through & All Things NEW, this year in 2022!

SCD

12/31/21