Forgiveness. The Key to Free....

Matthew 6:9-15

“Pray, then, in this way:

 ‘Our Father, who is in heaven, Hallowed be Your name.
Your kingdom come, Your will be done On earth as it is in heaven.
‘Give us this day our daily bread.
‘And forgive us our debts, as we have forgiven our debtors [letting go of both the wrong and the resentment].
‘And do not lead us into temptation, but deliver us from evil.

For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.]’

For if you forgive others their trespasses [their reckless and willful sins], your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive others [nurturing your hurt and anger with the result that it interferes with your relationship with God], then your Father will not forgive your trespasses.”

As we can see in these passages, forgiveness is NOT mere denial of wrongdoing, but a deliberate choice to lay aside all self-defense, and condemnation of the wrongdoer, and walk in LOVE.

Yeshua is not suggesting that we act like nothing happened! If nothing happened then forgiveness is unnecessary! Denial is not a fruit of The Spirit! It is a fleshly avoidance tactic, to keep from having to make a hard decision to forgive, and to set proper boundaries which will keep the abuse from continuing! Denial is an act of irresponsible flesh. Forgiveness is a pro-active decision!

To live in peace we must FORGIVE those who “wrongfully use”, or outright abuse relationships – and PRAY FOR THEM. Because God insists that the forgiven must also forgive! He Is a “pay-it-forward” kind of God! But then, sometimes, we must also choose to set hard boundaries for the people in our lives who refuse to cease behaving in hurtful, abusive, or unforgiving ways toward us. Forgiveness does not require us to enable an endless cycle of abuse, and the need for continuous forgiveness on our parts! Making a distance from them until they are willing to take personal responsibility for their abusive behavior, and seek help, is often necessary. And is the loving thing to do, BECAUSE it might inspire them to the change that will make their hearts right with GOD – and us!

But, in our hearts, we must keep the door open toward them in case they do seek help and CHANGE – instead of hardening our hearts in an attempt to protect ourselves! Refusing to forgive the offenses of others, no matter how abusive or unreasonable those hurts were, cuts us off from God's forgiveness!

It is quite the conundrum! Especially to the flesh! But The Holy Spirit is Present to help us, who have been restored to spiritual life, discern, and apply the proper boundaries in relationship, if we are willing to change. It is hypocritical to expect change in others though, if we are not willing to change the flesh-driven mess in ourselves!

In our “all or nothing” world of flesh, this will be an impossible boundary to maintain. But, led by The Spirit of our All-loving Lord, it is a new possibility! Speaking TRUTH IN LOVE, is an absolutely necessary part of forgiveness. We can't actually forgive that which has not been acknowledged. Forgiveness is not forgetfulness! Quite the contrary! It is a deliberate act, to let go of all resentment and offense toward one who has abused us in some way. It is a choice that is born out of gratitude, for having been forgiven of OUR unreasonable abuse of God's Grace! Forgiveness is what we apply to the otherwise “inexcusable” behavior of others. If we can simply “excuse” the behavior, “because that person has issues”, then it doesn't require forgiveness! But we are not called to make excuses for, nor enable abusive behavior in others! We are called to forgive and set proper boundaries for the best interest of all concerned!

Forgiveness is an entirely spiritual, deliberate, process. An act of the fully submissive will. It will never make sense to the terminally stupid flesh. But if we are sold out to God, and walking in the freedom of His unreasonable forgiveness of our sin, it will be easily learned from Him, and gratefully applied to others! And, when grasped and activated, it sets us free from the damaging condemnation, stress, and negativity, of holding grudges, and gives the wrongdoer a chance to change. Both parties win.

Sadly, the perpetrator may not choose to change, and, furthermore, may choose to stay at a distance from us, blaming us for having boundaries! But if our boundaries have the gate of forgiveness, then that remains their problem, not ours. Everyone must recognize both the responsibility and the possibility of CHOICE, and CHOOSE. Harboring resentment toward an abuser won't heal anyone! Forgiveness is more for us than them. But in the end, it will free anyone who chooses to participate. But enabling abusive behavior locks us all in a cycle of stressful, unnecessary unpleasantness that is entirely avoidable, if we are willing to find the courage in God to do the right thing, which is to forgive, speak TRUTH in Love, and set the necessary boundaries to maintain peace. Peace is NOT a mere absence of conflict, but a firm boundary to keep the conflict at a reasonable distance from us. We can not make people change, but we are also not required to give them chances to keep giving us lists of things to forgive!

Selah.

SCD

3/8/24