Wooed, or Just Screwed? Does Anyone Know The Difference?

(*Disclaimer: Most folks who follow me know that my writing is not for everyone. I tend to be a bit rough around the edges. I've been working on my “language” for years, and I do take seriously the Scriptural boundaries for what constitutes “appropriate” language for people striving to please a Holy God! BUT. There are times, when the expression of TRUTH overrides religious preferences, and verbiage has to be brought down to the level of those needing, or reading, it. Which means that I may use more down to earth terms which often don't measure up to some people's religious qualifications or preferences. So - if what I write offends you, do yourself a favor and don't read it! And I mean that in a very caring way! Be blessed. Selah.) Okay. Jumping right in....

When it comes to physical intimacy, what most guys don't get, apparently, is that women need to be “wooed” not just “screwed”. “Wooed” is an archaic term, so let me explain. We need you guys to behave in such a way that we actually DESIRE to be with you. We need you to treat us with affection – ALL DAY (not just when you want some) - so that we have warm fuzzy feelings about you. We've a need to be held by you, embraced by you, loved to the point that we, then, actually want to please you in any way possible. We NEED your affectionate behavior toward us, which will inspire affectionate behavior toward you. Men are stimulators, women are responders, so if you don't like the response you are getting, buster, then please change the stimuli! SMH

Let me break this down for you slower ones. If you act like a basic asshole toward us all day – if you can never remember what we tell you - if you show an obvious lack of interest about anything we like or prefer - if you act as though you can barely tolerate us throughout the day (is anyone getting the picture yet...?) - IF that is the way men behave toward women all day - then – guys - you can't just turn on the imaginary “charm” at night, tell us how “hot” we are, bring us a few flowers and chocolates, and play Romeo, just to “get a piece”, and expect that to thrill us! Not happening! Ain't nobody got time for that!!! BECAUSE THAT, unkind sir, is manipulation, NOT LOVE, and is completely unacceptable.

COME ON GUYS!!!! Most women are not that stupid. Some ARE, sadly, that desperate. OR religiously confused, having been pounded into believing that we're supposed to kiss hubby's hind-parts in order to please GOD! My sympathy goes out to both of those type of women. Since, due to the confusing doctrines, and the erroneously popular scripture twisting, of entirely too many so called “pastors” on my journey, it took me several decades to find GOD's real boundaries on THAT thing!

But, LISTEN to SANDRA, our loving GOD loves us WOMEN too! He didn't create us to be used by a lot of self serving jackasses. Which is what men become when sex becomes their god, their priority, their only source of happiness and, therefore, what they serve! (*And now I probably owe an apology to the actual jackasses with four legs, though I think that comparison came about due to the stubborn nature of both creatures... but, I digress....) Listen up gentlemen. And I use that term VERY loosely!!!! We are not a piece of meat. We are not your property. We are not your paid whore. We are not just your maid that gets laid!!! We are your WIFE, and we want to be part of your whole LIFE, NOT just your rock-relief!!!! Please get that, or get lost!

NOW. To the WOMEN. To use sex to manipulate your husband, into any kind of forced acquiescence, to exert your will over his, is also scripturally abhorrent, offensive to God, and offensive to men! As it should be. Men also need support, real love (which they DO need to EARN – but some need to heal or learn to be able to do that), and yes, they do also need a physical sign of all that (“SEX”) on a regular basis, without strings attached (to the balls, in an attempt to control them)!

HOWEVER - if the proper balance can or will not be reached – if a man finds that he can not “love his wife as Christ loved the church....giving himself for her...”; meaning, that he finds he is unable to get over some stuff, put his own preferences aside occasionally, to meet HER needs, etc. - AND if the wife can not find it in her heart to forgive petty grievances, and/or resist making Mt. Vesuvius out of every mole hill & bump in the road - then the relationship is dead. Which means that it must be resuscitated, resurrected, or just cut the losses, bury the thing, have the funeral, mourn it, and move on.

The problem I see in the world today is that there is too little real, Christ-oriented, selfless love, even in the “Church”! Unfortunately, “the flesh”, which is the epitome of “selfish assholism” is allowed to rule and reign, which will eventually destroy any relationship, including, but not limited to, the “sex-life”. Because - GOD ordained physical intimacy to flow out of mental, emotional and spiritual intimacy! The Climax was NEVER intended to be the GOAL of the whole thing! It was originally designated as a really great fulfillment for the sacrifices of selfless LOVE – which ALWAYS puts the other person first! This only works, though, if BOTH people are putting EACH OTHER first! If only one is doing it, that person will eventually run out of love, feel used, and bail out!!! We have, for the most part, sadly, made what was meant to be an intimate exchange of love into a contest, of who is going to get the most gratification. Sex has become a mere manipulation tool, because we have made it an idol, a god, which has turned us into lusting monsters, tearing down our own houses with our own hands!

That is why the divorce rate is so high, even in “the church”, why there are so many broken families, which produce broken individuals, who keep repeating this terrible pattern, because very few people have it right. “Marriage” is not limited to being a safe place to get one's rocks off! That is definitely not “Holy Matrimony”! That is an UNHOLY abuse of intimacy. True marriage is a union of whole souls! It is supposed to be two people, meeting each other's needs out of love, and growing into ONE complex unity, in GOD, which creates families of more loving people – like their Creator.

Instead it has become a nightmare in the name of “sexual freedom”, and “personal rights”, which has led to a host of horrific abuses which have badly warped, stained, and ruined, the whole idea! It has led to perversion of almost unimaginable portions, pornography (and anyone who thinks that is harmless is an idiot, not an intellectual), pedophilia, human trafficking (while demanding reparations for slavery), to mention a few....! BUT ALL of THAT is so far from what God intended in this physical union!!

It is time we got ourselves far enough into God that we can let HIM deal with our lust issues, so that we don't keep repeating these ungodly, unholy, inhumane models. It is time that we REPENT. CHANGE. And become the PEOPLE OF GOD. And not in name only!!!! We've become a nation of “Chrinos” - “Christian In Name Only”! It is time that we made a U-Turn to Authentic Discipleship to Yeshua The Anointed One, and let HIM teach us how to love! Here's a hint: He defined LOVE as GODLINESS, beginning with, “And you shall LOVE....”, FIRST, “YeHoVaH Elohim, The LORD your GOD, with ALL your HEART, soul, mind and strength …” ; and then, “You shall love your neighbor as (much as you do) yourself...”! The closest “neighbor” being your spouse and family! But all the people with whom we come into contact must be taken into serious consideration, and ways sought to love them as GOD has loved us. He has truly “given Himself for us”. Our mission now, if we CHOOSE to accept it, is to learn HIS kind of LOVE, and express it to humanity, to pay it forward, by giving OUR LIVES to His mission of redeeming this lost planet!

Most importantly, we begin by giving our lives to meet the needs and desires of the one we VOWED to love, cherish, and support until DEATH do us part! That's right. The only thing that is allowed to come between us is physical death. Not just the death of our emotional feel goods. Not the death of “sex” through E.D.(erectile dysfunction), or the death of any emotional connection through other psychological dysfunctions such as I.A. (intimacy anorexia)a.ka. “strongholds”. These issues develop as a result of lust and a lack of authentic love. They can be fixed by The God who is Love, but we must allow Him to slay the flesh driven lust dragon and lay it in the grave!

Please hear me - I am NOT saying that we should stay in a dead relationship, that either one, or both, has starved to death by our selfish foolishness, white knuckling it, so we can look religiously correct! NO!!! That is a huge devastation of what God intended! HE DOES, however, expect us to keep our WORD. OUR VOWS. We did NOT promise to endure bullshit until one of us dies from it! We DID promise to LOVE, CHERISH, and take care of each other!!! And, obviously (to me if it is obvious to no one else) WE NEED GOD TO BE ABLE TO FULFILL THOSE VOWS!!!!!

We have, as a nation, a world, and sadly, even “the church” exalted lust above love, and our own personal gratification above God, and caring for others. It is time to REPENT, to make TESHUVAH back to GOD, and redeem, and learn to live in HIS model of LOVE – including marriage, intimacy and family. Only THEN will our families, and nation ever be whole, and redeemed from the thieving devil.

How can we ever hope for “National Unity” if we can not even maintain unity on the most basic level – in family? Or in God's family, “the church”!? Short answer? We can't! We must change!!! We must learn His art of FORGIVENESS!!!! And to do that effectively we need GOD. We must stop playing at “church”, and become HIS real DISCIPLES, study His Ways, learn from Him, OBEY HIM. There is no hope for this nation otherwise, though there is supreme hope IN HIM. But it involves dying to self, which is a difficult concept, especially in our, ever increasingly, self centered world. But it is a concept that we must now embrace if we expect to save our families, this nation, and our world, from self-destruction. Because, our emphasis on pleasing ourselves IS the cause of this destruction we're seeing.

But, again, we are not without hope. We must simply exchange our gods (all based on self-serving) for The One True God, The maker of Heaven and Earth, The God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel..... YeHoVaH Elohim, and HIS Redeemer, Yeshua Ha Messiach, Jesus The Anointed One. HE IS where our redemption exists. Only HE, being the source of LOVE, can show us how to love in such a way that we can, with His help, save this fallen planet. But He works through His devoted ones. It is time to put our energy and priority where it can actually make a difference!

Or at least stop whining about the state of things. It is time to put up or shut up. Stop the whine and choose to shine!!! The flesh will never be divine!!! It is time to finally CHOOSE whom we will serve!!!! The choice is clear, serve ourselves – and the god of this world, or serve the REAL GOD, and FIND our TRUE SELVES in Him, once and for all. But know this … choosing to serve ourselves is choosing HELL, both here, and for eternity. So please, choose wisely.... The temporary affliction of choosing to serve God on this insane planet will be nothing compared to the literal hell, which comes at the end of serving our devil controlled fleshly self. We must find God and rise to our redeemed self.

I will say it again. It is time to CHOOSE - Will WE be wooed...by a loving GOD, Who DID give Himself for us? Or just be screwed (manipulated and used) by the world, the flesh and the devil?

CHOOSE wisely. CHOOSE LOVE! CHOOSE LIFE! L'Chaim!

Selah.

SCD

9/1/23