An Open Letter To My SONS; April 2018
To My Natural-Born Sons, & Also to those whom I'm honored to have call me “Mama”, in a spiritual sense, even internationally.
As I typed that sentence I heard the accuser say, “Yeah, all three of them”! Well I actually have four natural born sons, just one Is in Heaven, because he was born pre-maturely and didn't make it. But I am not trying to get on any spiritual pride trip when I say that I have spiritual sons! I honestly have no idea how many spiritual sons may glean from my writings! There have been a few more than “three”, I think, spread over the years, by the grace of God - but hey, even Yeshua only had 12 disciples! I don't play to crowds anyway. So, that nonsense aside, it isn't the size of the crowd devil, but the depth of it that counts as fruit! So any “sons” reading this, don't ever forget that. Lesson number one.
I am writing this letter because I felt led to put forth some feminine wisdom for the up and coming generation of Men-folk out there, my own sons included if they care to tune into it. But mostly they've heard it, in some form or another. A swift and loud rant, usually! But sometimes it was even given calmly and rationally.
HOWEVER. What I am about to write is instruction in GODLY MANHOOD, particularly as it pertains to relationships with the opposite gender - so if you aren't interested in Spiritual/Biblically correct Maturity, as well as emotional, mental and relational maturity, just do us both a favor and keep scrolling!!!!
One of the things to remember gentlemen, is that women prefer gentlemen. And if a woman claims to NOT want a gentleman, then she is either a liar or an incomprehensible idiot! RUN for your LIFE!!! The Feminist movement is a knee-jerk reaction to the man-jerk movement of male chauvinism. Women got a gut-full of the crap of being belligerently oppressed! Finally! That only took a few millenia! But, then - instead of trusting God and living as free women, by making proper boundaries in a proper way (through quiet, resolute, prayerful revolt...– mostly because NO ONE is teaching that at all) - they've resorted to competition and rebellion. They are looking for revenge, not equality. Like the reverse racism movement going on, this is a reverse chauvinism movement! It will NOT fix the problem.
I understand the cause. I just don't agree with their conclusions! I am FREE in CHRIST JESUS. But it took YEARS, thanks to faulty doctrines and selectively stupid leadership, for ME to realize this and act on it! Then it took a few more years to find the proper balance – for reasons already given.
But, besides the fact that SANE women will insist on, and wait for, a true Godly gentleman (who walks in responsible authority instead of pompous b.s.) - even more importantly, God commands men to be gentle and to exercise their Authority as “heads of house” in a gentle and understanding way, giving proper attention to the feelings of their wives! And declares that if they do not He will not answer their prayers! Yeah. Eat that!
I Peter 3:7 says it this way, “Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.” (*Please note – again - that stubborn butt-headedness will block your effective prayer life!)
Unfortunately, most “pastors” I've heard preach from this book get rather hung up on the first six verses of this chapter, which exhort the wives to be “submissive” (how they LOVE that word!), and in which Peter gives the women instruction on what that should look like. The truth is that most of these pompous, scripturally selective buttheads never get around to the part which the husbands play in the relationship! How convenient! For them.
However, this selective negligence has led to an imbalance that has created a profound lack of spiritual growth, being that no one wants to take responsibility! First of all this imbalance was created in the men, who, thanks to this doctrinal hog-swill, have come to truly believe it is all “the woman's fault” (after all it WAS EVE who ate that stupid fruit first! And THAT hasn't been properly presented either, perhaps later ….); and THEN, in a pendulum swinging, reactionary kind of way, the women have profoundly dropped the ball on spiritual, emotional and functional responsibility as well! Because it wasn't at all fair or even, and the rewards of getting it “right” by those standards were NEVER commensurate to the WORK!
In the women's defense - there really WAS a gross imbalance, in which women did most of the work – emotionally and romantically in relationships with our boy-friends/husbands, and also physically and mentally with regards to child-rearing and spiritual discipleship, so I get WHY they are angry and rebellious! We have always been held to a much higher standard – spiritually and actually! The men get the “Authority”, but seem to shuffle most of the responsibility and day to day mundane work to US! That is SO not how this is supposed to work! And it is WHY it ISN'T WORKING!!!! It is why marriage isn't working! It is why CHURCH isn't working! It is why society isn't working!!! It is bogus, demonic deception! But there is a better way to handle this, which begins with actually understanding the WORD of GOD (as opposed to the mistaught, dumbed-down, chauvinist translation), and obeying it!!!!
For EONS, the men were typically thought to be great men if they just brought bacon, didn't fool around, and occasionally played with their kids and/or brought a little prize to the wife on special occasions – for being such a good girl! Much like they gave treats to their obedient dogs. They got power and authority for just doing the basic necessities, and we got a mere pat on the head, if we were lucky. for doing everything else!!! Not that those things aren't an important part of the package! But sheesh! The bar was WAY higher for US! Always.
And if men did just happen to “fool around” (a.k.a. Betray us, stab us in the back ...), then WE were told that somehow that was somehow OUR fault! Because we didn't hup-to fast enough sexually! (Like anyone is in the mood, or has the energy, to do the activity which may produce MORE kids, after one has been caring for them all day!) Or – I LOVE this one – we just weren't “submissive” enough. Meaning, in plainer English, that we were a bitch because didn't kiss almighty ass – so they are justified for seeking “greener pastures”! What a load of bull!!! Sorry for the crude language there, but it just needed to be said in a way you guys can get it! Or, they said – get this - we just didn't dress attractively enough!
Even though PETER, in those first six verses which they loved to fixate upon, just SAID we shouldn't focus on the outward attraction as much as the inner …!! So … we women have gone around feeling “Condemned if we do (try to look “sexy”, shame on us for looking like a ho); and Condemned if we don't! (Shame on us for not keeping our husbands attention!)” Bah! Humbug!!! Stuff it guys! Grow up and become responsible, respectable, equally loyal men!!!
The gig is up guys!!! It is TIME that MEN took the responsibility which goes with the POWER & Authority of leadership! One doesn't get to just bark orders from one's lazy-boy recliner anymore, while we run around in stilettos performing like trained seals!! One must EARN our respect.
No woman in her right mind is going to SUBMIT to a total idiot who can't even pick up after himself, control himself, or manage his money! Women want a MAN to marry, who will raise their children with her! She doesn't want a fat, lazy whiner-baby who acts less mature than the children!!!!! It is time for men to GROW UP. All the way up! And TAKE the RESPONSIBILITY which their position as “The Head” requires!!!!
I am not being a fun-sucker! There is nothing wrong with gaming, or other forms of relaxation - in their proper place! But eventually one MUST learn how to prioritize, and do the most important things FIRST! If one wants to be a man of GOD, then one must make SEEKING GOD THE priority! The gold stars they give you guys in “Church”, for just showing up, aren't going to cut it in real life. FRUIT. We need to see FRUIT. Enough with your pompous, prideful, self-righteous toot already!
“Living with a woman in an understanding way”, while “giving her honor as a weaker vessel”, simply means taking into honest consideration her emotional differences, and acknowledging your part of those times when she may be struggling with touchiness, bitterness and/or the offense which causes those things! Women are designed to follow. We RESPOND. Which usually means that if you are not getting the response you want then the stimulus must be changed!!!
Women – at least those who are functional, whole and healed (which usually translates to – those who have not been traumatized into needing to be a bad-ass to survive) are naturally, willingly, even eagerly submissive to a MAN who is gentle, understanding, responsible, respectable and reasonable! Even us strong-willed “bitches”, who have been driven into bad-ass mode by unfortunate life circumstances, will stand down if the proper authority is shown! We WANT good leadership. We NEED it! We were built/designed to assist, follow, support! But from the SIDE, not from under the heel!!! We can be your side-kick or your ass-kick! Depending on where you put your ass. If it is in my face I will kick it! That is a no-brainer!
Being the “weaker vessel” isn't a defect! It's a design! We were made to compliment you guys, so we should not NEED to be as strong – emotionally or physically – because – head's up – YOU GUYS ARE SUPPOSED TO DO THE HEAVY LIFTING! Spiritually, emotionally & physically! You are supposed to protect us! You are supposed to HELP us. And in return, WE are grateful, and WE help YOU! In the areas where WE are strongest – IF – that is - you have enough self-esteem to be humble enough to receive the help we can offer! That saying, “Behind every great man is a great woman...” is true. (the part added recently about her rolling her eyes is also true, but it shouldn't be!)
Even Proverbs 31: 10-12,23 Describes a woman who is treated with such respect and consideration...
“ An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.
. . . Her husband is known in the gates when he sits among the elders of the land”
These are qualities to look for in woman. Loyalty instead of spoiled diva-like selfishness, Industriousness instead of a lazy, unwilling spirit that is afraid of work, an outward beauty which emanates from within …. ETC. …
But in return, a man should fervently, diligently, purposely WORK also! And not just for the money to keep a roof over everyone's head, but for those qualities which are revered in the best of leaders – openness and honesty instead of a shadowy need to hide behind pride, gruffness or distance; humility instead of a boastful, hard, narcissistic heavy hand; kindness instead of being rude, crude and hateful; and above all there should be a Joyful taking of responsibility, which SHOULD ALWAYS go hand in hand with any kind of power or authority. A man should always be ready to EARN the Respect which he expects! Loyalty is often given, and then withdrawn. Betrayal, even unspoken emotional betrayal, will cause that.
Men should indeed be the head of the home. But as they say these days, that means thinking with the big head and not the little one. And along with that, it means that one doesn't over estimate the size or importance of either of those things! Also remember that every functioning head sits on a neck which supports and turns it! A severed head is dead! It isn't going anywhere!
I believe that the Spirit of God is stirring men and women to come to their rightful places, in marriage, in love-making, in home-making, in child-rearing, and in building the Kingdom of God in the Earth. The Scripture states many times that the Kingdom of God can not be established until HIS PEOPLE walk in UNITY with one another. Someone PLEASE explain to me then - how “The CHURCH” is ever going to be unified if the MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIPS within that CHURCH are not walking together as ONE?
I'll tell you. It won't happen! We need to FIX FAMILY. And to DO that we MUST get these relationships balanced – as GOD meant them to work. We must stop making everything be about “MY way versus YOUR way!” How about if we ALL just submit to GOD'S WAY for a change! No chauvinism or feminism allowed!
For example, we should SO stop arguing about minutiae, like, whether or not the dang toilet seat should be left UP out of consideration for HIM, or put DOWN out of consideration for HER!? Close both dang lids every time, and let each one take responsibility to put up the ones needed, and both close them when done! It is cleaner, it prevents pets from drinking out of the toilet, and small children from dunking their toys in there, plus it is more hygienic since it keeps the toilet germs out of the air, etc... and it is mutually considerate! Again. Plug in the brains people! We DO have an enemy! And it is NOT US, NOR is it OUR SPOUSE!
Ephesians 6:12 clearly explains who it is that we should be fighting against!
“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this world's darkness, and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.”
There are spiritual forces at work in and through the flesh, which we must fight to put down, first and foremost within ourselves, and then through gentle exhortation – speaking the TRUTH in LOVE – (not our own opinion in spades) – we can come alongside, helping each other recognize and deal with the flesh and it's stronghold, helping each other get free of those forces. Which is why the next verses instruct us in some of the tools or weapons of our spiritual warfare ….
“Therefore take up the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you will be able to stand your ground, and having done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth fastened around your waist (to protect your innards, and most armor back then protected the reproductive organs as well – Truth is necessary for LIFE and GODLINESS), with the breastplate of righteousness arrayed (Righteousness protects the HEART, and the Motives...), and with your feet fitted with the readiness of the gospel of peace.…(Walk the walk, not just talk the talk...)”
As men, you guys naturally understand & adapt to warfare. There are warrior queens too. But we suffer more in battle. We were never meant for the front lines. But we make great side kicks, if you find someone in whom the Spirit of God is at work. Even if the you meet a nice girl but she is not openly religious, look for a confidence that can afford to present itself in a meek and quiet spirit. Look for a fire, but one that is not raging out of control, but is well tended and kept where it goes.
Also – and this is VERY IMPORTANT! Get rid of ALL forms of LUST! Let the Spirit of God purge you of it! That is the one, the biggest, enemies of real, Godly, manhood. It makes men into either oaf-like rapists or butt-kissing dweebs. Neither one of those is going to earn you a worthy woman. For one thing you will simply attract the ones who feed on your lust, or who will just feed it to control you. No good. Trust me, those are NOT the gals you're looking for. Life is not one long party and then you die, guys. It is a battle to be fought and won.
Here's to You Sons! Go! Fight! Win! I'll be cheering for you, and praying for you, the whole way! And if you DO find the right one, but she's a bit rough around the edges, recommend me to her. I might be able to help with that!
Mom, Mama, Mother Duncan - whichever term of respect for my position which you prefer <3