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September 14 2018 6 14 /09 /September /2018 15:07
My Personal Bucket List

The bucket list, if I understand correctly is the list of wishful dreaming, which people concoct over the span of their growing up/grown up years. It consists of things to acquire, experiences to have, or places to visit, which will contribute to one's sense of completeness, satisfaction, happiness and/or serenity.

 

It is, in short, it is a list of wants or dreams to be achieved before “kicking the bucket”. Hence the lovely title! To me this expression has always been an odd, and rather cheeky, cavalier, even somewhat disrespectful way to refer to the end of one's life. Plus, in seeking to assuage my curiosity on how this phrase came into being, I was found some rather macabre specters, so I will spare you it's etymology – it is sufficient to say that it is referring to one's eminent expiration... so …. yeah. Enough said. Ugh.

 

On the other hand, people like myself, the “weirdos” of society (mainly due to our lesser numbers, and polar opposite value systems), take the idea of death a bit more seriously. So our “lists” tend to include more of what we need to accomplish to make GOD happy, and build HIS Kingdom, before our time runs out! Therefore our “lists” are going to be a bit different. And that's okay.

 

The Greatest Generation never even heard of such a thing! They were way too busy working their collective butts off to preserve the nation, and the freedom of their future generations!!!

 

Who would have suspected, then, that such selfless effort would be rewarded by spawning several generations who seem to be growing increasingly selfish and ridiculous!? Several generations, in fact, who spend their time frittering away both money and freedom on temporary joys and often deadly addictions! Sad. Their hard earned freedoms and financial security have been sold for a cheap entitlement, and a sarcastic judgment on their parents' values. Tragic.

 

Actually, it has only been in the last 10 or so years of my 60 that I have had time to even ask myself if there was anything I really wanted to do!? And now I am almost too tired to want to put in the effort to actually do any of them! But I know that rest is coming, and break through is eminent, so there is hope.

 

I DO remember the many passing fancies of my youth, as I was figuring things out. I wanted to drive trucks for a living at one point, because those who did so got to travel and there was a sense of freedom – and isolation – in that scenario. I also wanted to motorcycle across America, ALONE, while camping out, and painting landscapes, the whole way. I longed to go abroad, especially to Israel, but also to the Misty Islands, of Ireland, Scotland and Wales …. and the Oriental lands … and Africa and Australia … well, the world pretty much! Lol I wanted to learn to fly a plane like Amelia Earhardt! I wanted to live like Eugenia Price, one of my favorite authors, who was a recluse on St. Simon's Island, and hole up, to write books, like she did....College was in there someplace, sort of, but not as appealing ….

 

But those wistful, far off, dreams were overwhelmed – first by my efforts to survive on my own once I left home. But then, they were slowly supplanted and replaced by my first and foremost dream - that of Family! And I have to say that I really wracked up on that one! The dream of one day being married to a Godly man and raising children in a loving home was the brightest and best of all the dreams in my basket – as a tiny girl even. Back then we used “baskets” for picking flowers or retrieving food from the garden, things which were part of our life, not “buckets” to hold our dreams, while an insinuated fear of death, kicking that “bucket”, ever looms over... how that idea ever got off the ground still stymies me...

 

 

So. My story. The first thirty years of my life was spent in fervent searching for meaning, for spiritual resolve, for relationship – with God and His creation. I was fervently, constantly, searching for the direction which HE would have me go. Though a wild variety of spiritual/religious experience... etc.

 

The next thirty have been joyfully hectic, spent in living in that God-ordained, Spirit-led, utterly meaningful, spiritually ripe, personally fulfilling direction – which turned out to be a career in Home Making, as a full time wife, mother, home educator, health consultant, activity director, and mentor!

 

Though, I have come to realize that in today's institutionalized, spiritually dumbed-down society, this particular “job” is the least sought after, least glamorous career on the planet! That is because, I suspect, at this point in history it is the most work-intensive yet least respected calling out there! This is a shame, on so many levels, because it is also one of the most pivotal, important, jobs in the universe.

Indeed! The very existence of our human race totally depends on this job!

 

Yet, ironically, at this point in history, few want it, even fewer know what to do with it, or how to properly execute it, and the ones who do are so busy that they don't have time to pass on the knowledge until they are “retired” by their grown up children! And even then their time is too often challenged, or outright hi-jacked, by the needs of those “grown ups”, whose dreams and needs still bleed over onto “Mama”. Sigh.

 

At this point in my personal history, however, as the last little eaglet has graduated our “Hidden Word Academy”, I am floundering, trying to find where I need to go next, what God would have me to DO, or more accurately, to BE, next? And I find myself asking if there is a “Bucket List”? Or if there should be? Since, obviously, the “kicking” of the proverbial “bucket” is closer than it has ever been. As I ponder these questions I find that there ARE some things I feel a need to accomplish before my time here is over. Though, at this point, I happily sense that my “wishes” and goals are conveniently linked to God's agenda for the planet! I am not my own, I am bought with a price. I willingly, eagerly surrendered all “rights” to design my own life, long ago. But my “wants”, which I happily suspect are also HIS wants, are as follows.....

 

I want to buy a mountain in Kenya, sow it with crops from one end to the other, carefully determining, of course which crops grow best at which elevation, and then deed that land out to the people who are currently living – or existing - in the slums - - if they will go and work it for a year or so. They will share in the profits, of course, and at the end they will own their land.

 

I want to do a similar thing in Samaria, Israel, I want to purchase land, grow vineyards, and then deed it to Israelis. I want to venture into the “World between the Walls” - the wailing wall in Jerusalem and the Great Wall of China, and help the new believers there, who are coming to Yeshua in great numbers these days, and facing inhuman persecution by the radical Islamic groups.

 

I want to buy an island in Scotland and have a permanent vacation home there. And help the people there who are struggling with a chancy economic system.

 

But above and beyond all of that, first and foremost, I want to become such a conduit of HIS power, HIS Anointing, that people can't get near me without strongholds coming down! I want to see people truly freed of their addictive behaviors, not just taught, condemned to manage them!

 

I'd LOVE to finally get my BOOKS out there, and get them to sell themselves, so that all these projects can be monetized! Because my dreams are going to take a LOT of money, honey!

 

And in all of this, someone may be asking, “But what would YOU get out of any of this?” And I would have to answer, “Are you freaking kidding me?!”.

 

I would get the entire satisfaction of having contributed positively to this besieged planet!!!! I would get a sense of self-fulfillment! I would get the Blessing of GOD on my life for being a faithful, eager, servant! I would get HIS JOY, which is MY strength!

 

I LIVE to make Him Smile! And it doesn't hurt my feelings to bring a smile to any of His creation either! I LOVE helping people! And there is NO amount of money, things or other experiences which will ever top that for me!

 

Now, having said that, I AM utterly human. And WOULD, also, LOVE a BREAK from being so helpful. Lol I am, ironically enough, also a bit of an introvert! So time away from people is a treat for me, occasionally! Time to think, draw, read and rejuvenate is always a good thing. And, before I do get into the deep end of meeting needs all over the known world, I am asking God to help me find a way to get such a break! I've been going full tilt in the ministry of “helps” since I was a pre-teen! I can't remember ever having a serious break. So far, for me, “vacations” have consisted in ME doing the same job, PLUS extra, but in a different location. A break from the norm? Yes. A restful, restorative, personal time? Ah. No. Indisputably NO. That was NOT, in any sense of the word, a “vacation”. I don't mean to sound ungrateful, but I live in reality, not fictional dream worlds. Sorry. Not complaining. Just finally wanting a chance to actually rest, be waited on, and NOT be the one responsible for all of that, for a brief period of time. But more than a weekend, please? Lol

 

I believe that God wants us to have times of refreshing (besides what I find in the wee hours of the morning – which has been the only way to seek God without interruption for the last 30 years!). I believe that part of His Blessing is that we are able to provide for our needs and those of others, without killing ourselves doing so! I also, sadly, believe that the poverty-paradigms which I inherited, and learned from my parents and their former generations, have prohibited our growth in this area.

 

But it is time for that to move now. I sense a stirring and a breaking loose in the spirit. I sense an anointing for prosperity – NOT so I can just go do whatever fanciful thing my flesh may dream up – but so that I can finally fulfill some of the calling on our lives – the calling that comes with Godly Family – being Blessed to be a Blessing!

 

That is what MY heart beats for. It is why I get up in the morning. It is the last thing on my mind at night. Pleasing GOD, and Living in HIS smile, fulfilling HIS will, and promoting HIS Kingdom on the fallen, man-devolving planet. If that makes me weird, then so be it. I am glad to stand out – just let it be in a way that brings Him glory and not embarrassment! (And that in itself has been quite the journey so far!) May it be so!

 

SCD 9/14/18

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • : SELAH Jubilee Lady Writes 4 Shalom
  • : I love to write, all about life, and what is going on in it. And about the Beloved Creator, Who sponsored it! I hope to intrigue and inspire.
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  • Sandra Carlton Duncan
  • I am a devoted follower of Yeshua, the Messiah. I have been married to Gene Duncan II for 37  years, and counting. I have 7 children, 3 boys & 4 girls - all grown up. They have been home educated, K-12. I also write, hence the blog  (including, but not limited to: children's books, poems, and personal growth art. ) Please stay tuned as I share my personal journey through poems and writing.
  • I am a devoted follower of Yeshua, the Messiah. I have been married to Gene Duncan II for 37 years, and counting. I have 7 children, 3 boys & 4 girls - all grown up. They have been home educated, K-12. I also write, hence the blog (including, but not limited to: children's books, poems, and personal growth art. ) Please stay tuned as I share my personal journey through poems and writing.

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