"What God Has Joined Together...

...Let No Flesh Put Asunder"

You may recognize this phrase as the final emphasis which the minister reverently utters as the "seal the deal" declaration in many "Christian/Western Religion" oriented marriage ceremonies. What a small and conveniently obvious phrase that is, "joined together", and yet, after nearly thirty years of marriage I can not honestly say that Gene and I had ever achieved that intended level of "togetherness" - until recently!

I can say that we are, finally, more aware of being on our way to that place of "wedded bliss", and that we are definitely having more "fun" on this "ride" than we were having there for a bit, but I think we both agree that we are still, not quite, "there" yet. And I think we both agree that the "ride" has been a lot bumpier than it needed to be - and that it was not all our fault! lol We had a lot of help making this mess! And cleaning it up! But that is another writing.

Of course legally, technically, Covenantally, our journey to "togetherness" was set in motion on that snowy day In Tucker, GA., which is near Atlanta, on what will be thirty years ago this March 24th! But experientially it has been a journey and a process of epic proportions! I think we are both slowly coming to the realization that it is a spiritual journey. And that we, in particular, and also as humans in general, had completely lost sight of the intended destination!

I am not sure most of us ever had a clue as to the importance of it, the true nature of it, the seriousness of what God wanted in it - for us, and for His own purposes - His goals in it - which equate - in a fractal sort of way - and perhaps even illustrate or facilitate, that process known as "Soul Salvation" - in the ones who are willing and able to see it and work to get it right.

In fact until we began to grow and heal spiritually I think the concept eluded us entirely! We knew intrinsically that something was off kilter, and that we were severely missing some very important element in our relationship, but we were both pretty much clueless how to go about finding out what the issue was, much less discovering the means of "fixing" it! Though I will say that I was on the look out for any information that might help the emptiness I found there - in our marriage - which, of course, I had not expected to find, despite our obvious obstructions, emotional/cultural/spiritual issues, etc.

I have concluded that this "fog" of utter cluelessness, this phenomena of being completely unaware of what is at stake in the marital union, this rampant moral flaw of ignorance - selective or imposed - of what God meant by that concept - of "joined together" - is the sole reason for our overly crowded divorce courts, the reason why we seem to enter and exit these rather serious - supposedly permanent - relationships as lightly as we do. It is the cause of much emotional devastation and mental illness - and definitely the cause of much moral and spiritual failure! It is why the last few generations have had so little regard for the boundaries of this institution called "Marriage", and why its very definition has been challenged recently - even in the courts. The true boundaries and "rules of engagement" for this specialized relationship have been allowed to become extinct - eroded beyond recognition. But I think there is an awakening to the intents of God's heart on many issues, and that in the recovery of Truth in general - this gem of great price has been unearthed as well!

We all know, on the most surface level, that "joined together" implies, as a part of the equation, physical intimacy. But we are only coming to realize the monumental tragedy that has occurred whenever that surface physical intimacy has been settled for - to the exclusion of the deeper soul intimacy that God designed to proceed it! The fact that we are willing to settle for so little has reduced this infinite spiritual mystery to a trite, overused, over-rated, three letter word - sex.

Sex may have many different connotations depending on the perspective of the individual, but never yet have I heard anyone reach the depths of understanding of this concept that I have found since I went digging in the Word, with the Spirit of God guiding my study! The intimacy which God intended for us to experience, the emotional ecstasy that was hidden away for us there, the journey - to depth of God's heart and the storehouse of good that He chose to place in His creation, has been cheapened - shortened to a fast ride down a dead end road of very short-lived feel-goods.

We have become a nation of fools who glibly sell our birth-right - of deep, meaningful, fulfilling soul intimacy - for a minute worth of temporary pleasure and are not even wise to the loss! We have lost our ability to judge real value, and therefore continually make unwise investments in "that which is not bread". As a nation we are overweight but undernourished, over-sexed but under-loved, over-paid and still in debt! How does this happen, except that we are very poor at making choices that produce life for us! And why are there not more people stepping away from the rat race long enough to figure out why that is? The Word of God tells us clearly how to make wise choices, the catch is that we must humble ourselves enough to be led by His Spirit and be willing to make the choices indicated to us!

But we have mistaken independence for freedom. Independence is nothing but a self-made lonely island. The fruit may be tasty, but it was never meant to be consumed alone! It was meant to be shared and used to fulfill others' needs and can only fulfill the real, deep soul needs of the one sharing it when it is used that way. It is an irony that escapes our twisted, damaged, self-oriented "logic". The only thing that can put us back on track is a return to God's way of seeing this relationship. Teshuvah to His idea of intimacy and the boundaries which He set for it, is the only way back from hell we have made this union to the heaven that it was intended to be. It isn't "His way or the highway", His way IS the High Way!

As Gene and I come up on our Thirtieth anniversary we of course have some regrets, but mostly we have gratitude for the gained experience! For one thing we have gotten forgiveness down to a fine art through much practice! As we look back on the last thirty years we see some things we wish we had done differently, but we have also come to realize that we could not change who we were, we quickly came to the truth that we must learn to rely on God for that, and we are so grateful that He has been faithful!

However, as we take stock of our past years together, we also see some things we did right! We have been faithful to our vows - which we made to each other and to God - though it has not been easy! We have consistently allowed the glue of our commitment to God to hold us to Him, and have then allowed Him to hold us to each other! Even when the natural centrifugal force of our fast paced existence, deeply rooted emotional issues, and doctrinal/cultural disagreements, threatened to pull us asunder!

We have each been diligent to accept responsibility for our own happiness, sadness, feelings, and flaws - and to stubbornly seek freedom from the strongholds that kept us from being who we needed to be, and which kept us from the togetherness we craved. As we have broken free, with the help of our faithful God, we have become a safe haven for each others' storms, a catalyst for His changes in us, and a facilitator of His healing as well. We have grown grayer, and wiser, together. The togetherness is becoming more evident as we go. Perhaps it was always deeper than we realized, but I think it had to be discovered, uncovered and room had to be made for it to thrive.

I think that in most cases the fleshly nature of the natural man, observed in that selfish drive for independence and self-serving, does "put asunder" the two that God is trying to join together in spiritual intimacy! And, sadly, it often succeeds before God's processes can heal the breaches and tear down the strongholds that separate us from each other. But that doesn't have to happen.

If nothing else is accomplished by our union (besides seven stellar individuals that did not exist before) at least we are a living testament to what God can and will do in relationships that are truly committed to Him and His idea of Togetherness - and are willing to undergo the grueling processes of faithful, humble obedience to have it!

In March we will enter our thirtieth year, God-willing, wiser, more aware and much happier than the 29 that proceeded it. We are finally getting a discernible sense of what God meant by "joined together" and are so glad that we "let no man put asunder" what God set in process all those years ago - though many tried! We are glad that we did not let our own flesh put it asunder! We are glad that the Spirit of God kept leading us back to forgiveness, grace, and gratitude. We are happy and excited to be walking into the future with a greater sense of purpose than we have ever known, and a greater joy in our relationship than we ever thought possible. We are finally realizing, experientially, the concept of "joined together".

So what if it took 30 years? Diamonds are not made in the microwave! It was worth every minute (though it seemed like eons)! Every struggle (against seemingly unbeatable odds). Every fight (and there were many of those). Every tear (many floods could have been our fault). But we made it! It is evidence, if only to me, that there is a God. And that He cares and intervenes in our lives, and that He knows what He is doing! That is such a good thing, because it is also evident that we do not!

He has a plan people, my counsel is that we all take the time to find it and do it to the best of our ability and let Him do the rest! He is faithful, He loves us more than we can love ourselves and knows what is best for us! Let's quit trying to reinvent the wheel and just get on the dang Chariot for the sweetest ride ever!

"What God has joined together - let no flesh put asunder"!

May His unions be blessed with His perfect Peace!

Selah.