T.F.P.B. The Sky is Falling!? Part Two:

In Which “Chicken-Little” Flies Over the Rainbow...

One could waste time asking useless questions, such as, “If these'suppressed memories' are valid, why they weren't remembered before?” Or one could spin one's wheels wondering whether or not it is even possible for “one so young” to retain such things? Or one could go about, nit-picking, as some have, about what took so long for them to resurface, or if it is even scripturally supportable to engage in deliverance ministry of this type?!

One could stay stumped wondering why, of all things, it was all loosed by a bitch-fight with a cantankerous sister over their deceased father's few belongings – which were being safe-guarded, by the way, for another sister to whom he bequeathed them all!? I myself was forced to ponder why that mere, albeit very familiar, annoyance would have triggered such an overwhelming barrage of seemingly unrelated unpleasantness from out of the clear blue sky of my imaginary life!? But at the end of the day all I have to say is, “Who knows?!”

I have discovered that these questions are mainly a diversionary tactic anyway. Which is used by our intricate avoidance mechanisms, trying to avoid the inevitable pain of the healing/deliverance process. Spiritually speaking, they are also employed, all too often, by a wily enemy who would do anything to prevent us from becoming whole enough to wield the Anointing against him!

The human psyche – or soul - is much more complicated than we thought it to be. It is, after all, a mere fractal of the endless universe. Who can hope to fathom its mysteries!? I, for one, am content to merely survive them! Besides it is easier, more pleasant work, to become completely arrested by the transforming touch of the Anointed One!

One could ask as well, “How could a loving God allow such catastrophes?” The answer is that He gave us a free will, and not everyone makes good use of that freedom! Fair enough! But it is more profitable to focus our attention on the magnitude of His LOVE, that also provided, with that free will, an Anointing that moves the burdens and destroys the yokes caused by the bad choices of others, or ourselves! It is beyond human calculation! It is such a wonderful and miraculous thing!

Problems must, of course, be given the attention needed to validate and eliminate them! But then, being healed of their destructive power, we are able to move on from them, and so we should! Valleys can be delightful places to camp, mountain tops are wonderful places to pray and revel in wonder, but real life must be lived-out somewhere between those two places, usually. And He is the only one who can give us a level place to stand, and then bring an indefatigable joy, when that place becomes mundane for us. Which happens pretty quickly, especially for those of us who have survived mainly on adrenaline overdose!

Of course, all involved have wrestled with these horrific specters of buried recollections – or whatever one would call such things. All have wondered at the sense of dredging it all up? All have questioned the validity of those long buried memories, and have balked at how accurate they could possibly be? Especially after forty years of being steadfastly blocked from the conscious mind!

But the conclusion, which I have personally reached, was that there is simply more room out than there is in! And that, like a festering splinter, it will simply not do to let it remain in there, infecting the works! And though at times the deliverance process has seemed like utter madness, it has brought such freedom from pain, it has loosed this woman from so many, once debilitating, social aberrations, delivered her from sleepless nights and restless days, loosed her soul from that inexplicable, inescapable pain, that once ruled the conscious and subconscious realms of life! How could it not be the work of the LORD? And His work is supreme above all. I have slowly, over time, come to the realization that I do not need to have all the answers, when I can trust the One leading! And have, even more slowly, come to a place wherein I could actually trust Him!

Of course it has been painful, torturous work, to exhume these dark portents, and to come face to face with them, finally. To accept them as tragic reality, and – moving on past that - to forgive the many, many betrayals which they always represent! However, to say that the healing of the LORD has totally made it worth everyone's time, is an understatement of some magnitude!

This woman is so grateful. Grateful for all those who wept with the afflicted child, and rejoiced with the healed woman! Forever grateful to those who held her in compassionate arms as the dark matter poured forth, and who then applied the Anointing of the Word to undo the damage caused by it all! She is so grateful to Yeshua, who endured all that untold misery Himself, in the Garden, and on the Cross – for each one ever born! At that time He personally took the sin of all who had hurt that child, plus the sin of the child herself - and every other child ever born, upon the Earth, upon Himself – for all of creation and for eternity! Who can begin to fathom that much truth? Who can grasp that much grace?!

By now all are wondering, is this real, or is it dark fiction? And perhaps some have guessed that it was me, the author, to whom all this tragedy happened. “Yes, and no” – to “was it real”, and “sort of”, to - “was it me?”! The memories which have been expunged so far would imply that my body was present, or else the “memories”, vague as they are, could not have been stored in my particular subconsciousness. But thanks to the marvelous self-defense mechanisms in our miraculous mental facility, which our loving and awesome LORD created, I was very good at dissociating – often, as the last story indicated, barely in the nick of time. So I wasn't really “there” during the most painful of moments, technically speaking. Yes. It's complicated!

One could ask, then how could there be damage done – or memories of any kind – much less valid ones? But to me a better question is how could anyone even survive that sort of soul shattering abuse? And in the end, what difference does all of that make? As long as healing is accomplished, and the retrieved memories are not used for an instrument of revenge or self-recrimination, then what is the harm in it? Why not?!

There is often a very fine line between the medical science of “Psychology” and the spiritual work of “deliverance ministry”. Technically one deals with the physical organ called the brain, and its somewhat intangible, but observable functional patterns, while the other deals with the soul of man, whose patterns are a bit more difficult to observe. There should, ideally be no schism, however, between the two realms, and if all science emanated from the Truth of God's Word – as it should - then there would be no discrepancy whatsoever! The problems exist due to the fact that wrong conclusions are too often drawn by the scientific community because they too often begin at the wrong premise. That is the most logical and reasonable explanation of the disconnect.

Yet - in all of this process - of being delivered and cleansed of the suppressed memories of those dark times - much of my lost life has been reconnected, or reconstructed for me. And I have deeply appreciated both anointed spiritual ministry AND the science of psychological understanding of the workings of this organ and how abuse affects its patterns and ability to cope!

I will never say that my memories can or ever could represent 100% accurate history! That would be a ridiculous and unsupportable claim. The pieces which were retained are so scattered, so fragmented, and most of it happened to a very young mind who couldn't make sense of things yet – with the added difficulty that she was quite good at dissociating (though it proved a priceless blessing) - so it is going to be blurred, biased and distorted.

That is the main reason why I write in the third person style, as though it is happening to someone else, and I am not using names. First I want to cast no aspersions on anyone else, and then because in many ways it truly seems that distant, that detached. I can acknowledge that it happened! Don't get me wrong. Sometimes I feel the emotional pain of it enough to shed tears, the pain emanates from deep within, and also, sometimes I deal with an inexplicable sense of loss, and the accompanying depression at odd times, triggered by odd occurrences that make little sense – such as the one the last chapter described.

The real miracle, however, is that I ever have times when I don't suffer! So I am peace with the outcome. But the technical question-ability of it all is why I do not share names or put faces to the story. What if my childish memory did record something askew. I would hate to slander anyone mistakenly! This isn't a rant for justice. It is a declaration of personal freedom, an invitation, even, to personal freedom in the Anointed One for others so afflicted.

As to the reason which I relate these unpleasant “experiences” at all – I can offer two very good reasons. First of all, as I just said, it is an invitation to personal freedom! I share these experiences - the good, the bad, and the really ugly - for those who have suffered similar tragedies - hoping to offer them a sense of validation. Wanting to assure them that their “crazy” - or emotional and social inadequacy which most victims experience - has a logical and reasonable explanation, and that, more importantly, there is an antidote for it! Most importantly, healing from this kind of “crazy” is possible! Victims can turn out to be victors!!

I want them to understand that we were often carried “there” - to that place of social stigma – and mental illness - against our wills, and that there is someone who has conquered that prison on our behalf! He is there for us, and willing to champion our cause! He is standing by, ready and able to carry us out - if we will come with Him. He alone can transform us into calm, functional, happy beings!

And I also write for those who have no clue of what this kind of horror feels like! To those who too often stand aloof, in cold, unheeding judgment of the damaged ones. Who too often - purposefully or unwittingly – heap ungodly amounts of condemnation on them on a regular basis, adding insult to injury!! I write that it may hopefully shut the judgmental mouths and humble the hard hearts! I write to fell the proudly critical, condescending high horses, by which the afflicted ones are too often dragged through the dust of religious pharisee-ism - thereby inflicting even more trauma, and unintentionally reinforcing the strongholds that keep them bound!

I write with the hope that I may be an instrument of the LORD to enlighten the darkness of this very real captivity – The very real, very dark, torture-dungeons of emotional and mental illnesses caused by trauma or abuse - and to set the captives free! To loose those who are bound in trauma, and those who are also bound outside it! (Please read Isaiah 61 for a complete description of what the Anointing can and does do!)

The anointing does release the captive heart! It does raise the murdered hopes from the ash-pile, on which dreams - of ever living a normal happy life - were unmercifully burned before our very eyes! It does restore life to the dead, and return sight to the blind – even if the death or blindness was self-inflicted! It does. Of that Truth, I stand before you as living proof. Never again will I accept the religious condemnation of those who have not suffered. Never again will I fall prey to the judgment of men. Nor will I incline my ear to the whispering of the enemy, no matter if he is using the tongues of those whom I love best!

I do realize, of course, that I may never attain to the heights of some, socially speaking. I have accepted the handicaps that come with this territory, and have come to be at peace with certain limitations - but then, “some” did not begin at my depths...? And some, even those who presume themselves to be somehow “above” me in life, will never attain unto the heights to which His healing has brought me either... He will bring all to rights in the end... which, by the way, is not too far off, if my intuition is any good....let us grasp hold of His anointing and work while we have the light...

Selah...