I love the early mornings! I love to sit and write in the quiet hours, when I can hear the voice of God most clearly. I used to be shy about saying that, because some people think you are crazy if you claim to the hear voice of someone you can not see. Yet, we do it all the time. We can be just sitting in traffic and think of something funny our co-worker said, and we can really hear them saying it all over again, so we burst out laughing, just like we did when they actually said it hours ago! Or we think of that negative thing that some relative said, something that really got us furious, and we can hear the leering insulting tone of their voice, and we get all riled up again! Right?
All that to say, it is clear to me that we have a capacity to “hear” with our hearts, as well as our ears. We “hear” what someone close to us is saying, for example, even if they are not able to completely articulate it. In fact, I am so good at it that sometimes my mother-in-law accuses me of mind reading! But since we can hear with our hearts, then it makes sense to me that the All-Loving ruler of the universe would choose to communicate through that capacity. And I am convinced that He does. But if that makes me “crazy”, then so be it. At least I am happy here, in my reality.
This morning as I sat watching the sun rise, and meditating on His goodness, and imploring His help with some difficult things in my life, I was – as usual – flooded with that sense of peace and well-being. And I had to ponder what happens to that during the day? I mean, by bedtime I am rarely experiencing those particular feelings! Somewhere between lunch and dinner there is a storm system that works up into a squall around here. It is like everyone in the house – yes including me, unfortunately - gets possessed by something! I find it too easy to get offended, I find to too hard to maintain a positive attitude, much less “take a stand of faith”! I don't want to “find the grace” for this situation! I want to blow something up! (And usually do, if only verbally!) Oy vey! As much as I have come to love the early mornings, I am coming to loathe the evenings. Which is sad and frustrating, because that is the time when we could all be together if we could find the same page and get on it!
When I think about Adam “walking with God in the cool of the evening”, it is hard to imagine. But that was before he & Eve procreated! I wonder, if kids had come “pre-fall” how he would have managed that? Would it have been a family stroll? Probably, because you see, there was no strife then! I can barely even imagine that! No strife?! At All?! Wow.
So here is the dilemma. The Word says that if we will “walk (make decisions, act, and think) in accordance or agreement with the Spirit, that we will not fall into the pitfalls of the flesh”! So the difficulty for me is how to keep that posture for more than a few hours! My life has been a progression toward the goal of obtaining the mind of Christ, to be remade in His image of perfect obedience to the heavenly Father. I would love to say that it has been a steady progression, but I think that is a bit optimistic. Nevertheless, for all my ins and outs and ups and downs, I do creep closer to that goal.
So, despite the storms of the evening hours, I continue in snail like speed to inch toward that worthy goal. Determined to overcome those unsettling times when it seems like it is all a mirage or a far off dream. I will try to remember to “wake Him up from the back of the boat”! Though it will mean a rebuke for me, still, until I have that caliber of faith, He is the only one who can bring peace from the chaos! I will try to remember to press in and to hear with my heart that still small voice – amid the hurricanes of family discord, and the bi-polar tendencies of my own nature. A nature which is being transformed into His nature, however slowly, or why would I even care?
Grace is that commodity that makes His mercies available to us, every morning! So, forgetting the failures of yesterday, that now “lie behind”, I will reach forward to the things which are yet to be, and keep pressing “toward that goal of the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus”! What else is there to do? Can I get a witness?