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May 4 2014 1 04 /05 /May /2014 16:34

 – The Real Dilemma


This morning as I cried out to God from the depths of my heart, while browsing through a book on how to generate “success” - from the viewpoint of human happiness – I suddenly realized that there is something which we humans are after – which I am after – that is an even deeper need than mere happiness – it is “fulfillment”. We each are desperate to know what the heck we are doing here! And what it is that we need to be about, that will contribute something meaningful to this place long after we are gone. We seek a continuity of community, eternal community. We seek both roots and routes, in our journey. From whence have we come, and to where we are we going? We need to be assured in some indelible way that we are “On Course” for our particular destination.


I think the author of the book was getting at that eventually, but where I differ with where he seemed to be going is that he seemed to think that it was altogether achievable within ourselves – within the human psyche - without supernatural help from God. (And yes, he did claim to be a “Christian” author!) But I definitely do not buy that line of thought. I am absolutely convinced that we must find a way to please God in order to achieve this sense of satisfaction -which will produce that ultimate rest from striving – which then brings an overall sense of well-being to our otherwise war-torn souls.


So as I awakened this morning experiencing more striving than rest, thanks to the lovely Face Book posts of last night's ravings, I find myself once again pressing into God for answers and harassing His Spirit, while rummaging through His Word, for the wisdom and grace I will need – “just for today” – but also for the days ahead. I awoke today at odds again with my destiny, not seeing how the mundane events of my daily life are going to accomplish anything of worth for posterity. Of course I do understand on the most basic level that I may not be able to grasp the real value of what I am led to do from one minute to the next, and that “being led” by the right Spirit is the ultimate, immediate goal. But still, this is the kind of thing that haunts the analytical, and stirs that one to seek solid ground on which to stand.


Also, this morning I find myself in a severe quandary over social media. On the one hand, many of my truest friends - on a heart to heart, spiritual level - along with many of my dearest family and loved ones - are not within my reach every day, except through this invention. So for that I am grateful, and it is for those dear-hearts I stay connected. I am sure that could do without the support and encouragement I get from this source, as I was surviving pretty well before I discovered this mode of communication. However, I am not sure that I want to do without it!


But, on that other hand, Face-Book can be excruciatingly painful and depressing as well! It is often the harbinger of bad news and the generator, and magnifier of many fears – some, if not all, completely unfounded on some level! It is quickly becoming a purveyor of terror! People often post before they think and blast before they aim! I begin to feel like Sally Fields in her role as Sybil, as she sat, lost in a triggered memory of the many who had abused her, chanting, “the people, the people, the people....” It is sometimes more than I can digest or process mentally, or emotionally manage! Seriously.


The burdens to intercede are often so crushing that I avoid the thing for days. I have recently decided to at least take a “Sabbath Rest” from it – from sundown Friday to sundown Saturday. I may make an exception to post if I feel led, but I generally avoid the “news feed” during that time (“piranha feed” might be a more appropriate name for it!), and sometimes I take Sundays off as well – just to get rejuvenated. And while that is a welcome relief to my eyes and nerves, perhaps I need to reevaluate it even further. I broke my social media fast last evening to an excruciating episode of garish postings, whose owners had the best of intentions at heart, I've no doubt! But which nonetheless sent me into an episode of explosive anger, intense intercession and hours of heart-wrenching work before I could regain my peace! Oy gevault! What are people thinking?! ARE people thinking?!!!


The cruel -  entirely too graphic for me -  images are often more than I can bear, surely I am not the only one who feels this way! And while I am on the subject of how face book needs an upgrade – I should say that I can also do without the self-glorifying sensual "#selfies" as well! I don't care how damned toned you are, get yourself some modesty for crying out loud! God's people need to find their sense of self-acceptance in Him alone – not in the accolades of losers who vicariously live through the success of others!


Of course, I am “preaching to the choir” on this, so to speak, in that the ones who typically read this may be shouting amen as they read, but don't really need the admonition! Ain't it always the way! Lol But perhaps, as is ever the hope, it will reach the one it could help?


I am burdened often, also, at the crass, unfeeling way that people deal with each other, even many who are convinced that they are indeed "real believers"! It causes a heaviness in my soul. If it were not for the daily unburdening process which I have cultivated with the help of the Ruach over the years I could not cope!


It is one thing to express what one thinks is the Truth about any given subject, but is it necessary to attack each other so? I particulary cringe at the selective ignorance of the religious pat answers that are served up without so much as a moment's reflection! Gag me. As plastic, manufactured, and unreal as the doll food that came along with the many dolls my girls have had over the years! And almost as nutritious, I dare say! 


And yet, I am as prone as any to “lose it”, and fire at any unsuspecting soul who touches “that nerve” in me! Though I will say I have made progress in that area over the years. The faithful Spirit of God is ever working to develop the fruit of LOVE in my character - exhibited through patience, gentleness, kindness, self-control, etc. So that now, what I actually post is, usually, well thought out, and has had the barbs removed as far as humanly possible! 


No one likes to be corrected, however, so many of my posts are taken adversely on that level anyway. But I can say that few are meant as an attack on any one person (none consciously!), but I do tend to launch attacks on ideas that I perceive as harmful or excessive or inappropriate for the body of Messiah! I consider that my grave responsibility as a “Watchman on the Wall” - which is the point of the prophetic gift, in my understanding. (*Please note. I am not declaring myself to be a “prophet of God”! That is not my place to say,  but I am only noting that I have perceived a prophetic gifting to be at work in much of what I do!)


Over the years I have come to accept the fact that I am a “seer”. Not in the spooky, negative, ungodly sense of the word, but, spiritually speaking, I have become aware that I do operate in a spiritual sensitivity that many others may not usually operate in. In the living of life I often “see” or sense things, or pick up on social patterns, before others pick up on them. And I have always felt somewhat compelled, now more “urged” than “compelled”, to notify those around me of the dangers which I am “privileged” to so perceive.


I have, of course, encountered a few difficulties with this “gift” along the way. First of all, those in authority, especially those who may not be so gifted, are too often threatened by it. So - instead of making wise use of it - they often seek to invalidate it - or worse – annihilate it or at least excommunicate it! Hence my currently disconnected existence where the religious community is concerned.


Secondly, no one wants little a black rain cloud floating around their picnic! Also, if folks are trying to throw dirt over some issue, the last person they want to see is some clown with a flash light and shovel! So one begins to see the problem here.


So that is the plight of the “seer” - but hey, someone has to do it! As I have pointed out recently in another writing, I have come to see those who have this particular spiritual "gift" as the “gall-bladder” of the “Body”. Which has, unfortunately, come to consider thisbody- part an entirely dispensable commodity – especially since meat and fat have been largely stricken from the spiritual diets of most of the religious community anyway – and most are subsisting on milk, crackers and regurgitated dry grass of video teaching (which may explain why there is the temptation to also use the other kind of grass? ....  Let's face it, people need some kind of excitement in their lives!).


I do not intend this as a mere whine-fest in which to bemoan my pitiful, unprofitably prophetic fate, but as a mere recording of this lap of my own Spirit-led/Torah-fed journey to Truth on which I have embarked, and in which am determined to endure to the end - with His help! But the turbulence must be recorded as well as the miles of clear flying, if one wants to paint an accurate image of one's journey – which I sincerely intend to do.


My hope then, ultimately, is that in sharing my real pain, and real gain, I may help someone else on the path whose sight may be currently so blocked, with shadows of some trouble, that they are tempted to turn back. I want to say to them, “No! Keep going! There is a rough patch here, but this is how you navigate it....step there, and avoid that...watch out for that sand pit! ….etc.”


But, if it accomplishes nothing else, it is healing settling to me just to take the time to get the swirl of ideas out of my overly-crowded head, and into some orderly account that I can make sense of. And, of course, each one has the option NOT to read! At least I am not blasting unsuspecting visitors with indelible images that torment the heart and torture the brain! One actually has to work to be scorched by my ideas! Lol And with that so stated I leave you for now with this “snack for thought”.... Selah


Happy Son-day! Shalom Chavarim!


SCD 5/4/14

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  • Sandra Carlton Duncan
  • I am a devoted follower of Yeshua, the Messiah. I have been married to Gene Duncan II for 37  years, and counting. I have 7 children, 3 boys & 4 girls - all grown up. They have been home educated, K-12. I also write, hence the blog  (including, but not limited to: children's books, poems, and personal growth art. ) Please stay tuned as I share my personal journey through poems and writing.
  • I am a devoted follower of Yeshua, the Messiah. I have been married to Gene Duncan II for 37 years, and counting. I have 7 children, 3 boys & 4 girls - all grown up. They have been home educated, K-12. I also write, hence the blog (including, but not limited to: children's books, poems, and personal growth art. ) Please stay tuned as I share my personal journey through poems and writing.