Whether I write or sing, or clean or teach, I do it first and foremost for the pleasure and approval of the King of Kings, and Lord of Lords - why then should I need the approval of anyone else? The truth is that I don't! But sometimes I forget that. Sometimes I actually do still allow my self-worth to be determined by the opinions, attitudes or attention (or lack thereof) of others! Or, I make the other typical mistake of basing it on my own assessment of my performance! As though I am qualified to make such assessments! That is a pit of quick-sand like misery, in which one can find oneself "over one's head" in no time! Whenever I "come to", and find myself back in that suffocating mess, I do as I learned to do long ago, even as a wee girl - I run to Him! The lover of my soul, the Creator of my being!
He really has become my rock and fortress, my high tower, to which I continually run! He is more than, as some have accused, "a crutch" to which I must cling for support - He is my entire life support system! My atmosphere, my hopes, dreams, goals and ambitions are all from Him, and go back to Him! I am not merely a religious zealot, blinded by a cause - I am a love-sick worshiper - enthralled with my creator! He alone has the power to accurately judge my heart, my performance - to say if I am fulfilling His purpose for me or not - to declare me Holy or profane! He alone has the ability to lift me from those bogs of eternal stench, and rescue me from those fire-swamps, that regularly threaten my self-esteem - and my life purpose.
Those dark, awful days when my devotion wanes, when I allow the distractions of this temporary, fleshly life to avert my gaze from Him, when I allow the storms of life to draw my attentions elsewhere are gloomy days indeed! But when I return to His presence, How sweet it is! How the light rushes in, warming my chilled soul! How soothingly the peace returns! The storms still roar in the background - but who regards storms from a toasty warm castle? That it what it is like to be in His presence - there are NO threats there! Only the warmth and safety of being well loved, well fed, well cared for!
Let us not be content, therefore, to merely work "for" Him, but let us insist upon always working "with" Him! Let us not settle for knowing quite a bit about Him - like name droppers who pretend to hob-knob with people of higher social standing - but let us know Him - as one knows their most trusted, most beloved friend, brother or lover.
It is not cheeky and disrespectful - "sacrilegious" - to be after His heart! It is, in fact, what most delights Him! It does take a considerable degree of determination, and Chutzpah - courage - for it will put you against the current - which is sometimes a raging tide - and at odds with the world! And yet, the peace, the love, the tranquility, the anointing to do things one never dreamed....it is definitely worth whatever it may cost us in this life....
But, alas, this life is so fragile anyway! Who knows if it will cough up half of what it has promised us, and if we will live to see it, if it does?! Life - without God - is such a gamble of things - so many variables to consider - so many goals and dreams rerouted, stolen, lost! Or even if actually won, often turn out to be to be much less satisfying than what we thought! It is just too much to gamble.
All my "bets", all my resources, all my heart, soul, mind and strength - are therefore on Him - at His command - and for His pleasure! And I assure you again - He is worth every bit of it! Every bit of pain that I have or will endure, every loss I may have suffered, every lack I may have tolerated, every dream or hope deferred...are in His keeping...He has bought all my debt and has promised to make good on it. In my estimation He is the only sure bet in all of this chancy life. He is my source of comfort, help, healing, rest, provision, sanity, wisdom - I can say with the Psalmist - "Whom have I in heaven but thee? Oh Lord, My God!"
My hope in writing and sharing these thoughts is that it may spark a hope in someone who is currently suffering the disappointments of this temporary life - its many set backs - illnesses - utter devastations - etc. - that there is something - SomeOne - that is really "worth all of this"! To encourage them to look up - to seek Him out - to "Taste and see that the LORD is Good!"
And it is a reminder to myself - a redirection of vision - a rekindling of hope - a restatement of faith. It is a simple honest confession of a fellow journeyman, journeying through this season of life....
Selah....And Shalom....And....L'Shana Tovah Tiketevu! May your name be inscribed for another Good year!