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September 16 2012 1 16 /09 /September /2012 19:52

 

I sat in a pool of tears yesterday. The streams were not incapacitating, but intermittent and persistent. The source seemed to be a deep move of the Ruach, stirring the burning embers of Teshuvah, that have been smoldering since Pesach, earlier this year. I alternated between succumbing to the sobbing and "getting a grip" so I could go about the things I need to get done - Not the usual list mind you, because of Shabbot, but still there are thing one needs to do - the taking care of my family, keeping promises, etc. But it was with some difficulty that I pressed into the tangible, temporal, "life as usual" Shabbot world. The Presence of G-d seemed so real, so thick, so precious. Shabbot had taken on a much deeper level, it had actually manifested in a way that I have longed for, but I realize now that I did not actually expect! And I find that I reacted with mixed motives, that need to be taken care of right away. I find that it caused me to doubt myself again, and that I drew back because of old baggage - stronghold alert!

 

I suddenly had a revelation into myself, my "new" self, since going through deliverance. It came to my consciousness that I usually avoid tears, or any emotional, passionate response whenever possible. First, because I have cried so many over the years, but mostly because they make me vulnerable to attack. No one else in this house has that passionate nature, or at least if they do they do not value it. My misuse of it in the early days caused them to judge it as dangerous and unstable. Therefore to them I look weak when I am crying, and they assume that I have again become unstable, not "together". It worries them and makes them feel threatened - they wonder if it is "something they did wrong....?", etc. I have worked so hard "getting it together". I spent the last ten plus years getting deliverance from my issues, so that I could live a calm life. So that I could "choose life". So naturally I detest days when it seems like I have misplaced "it", and I guess "it", in this instance, stands for basic sanity - "I.T." = Intelligence - Tenacity. A quality in which I don't want to be lacking.

 

But this day that was just too bad. The tears were relentless. There was a tenderness that I could not cover over, and I don't think I really wanted to. There was a sweetness that I had no defense against, and again, I don't think I wanted to develop one! In fact, the liquid may be what is left of the defenses - the stubborn strongholds that I have been seeking deliverance from - which are being melted down by the heat of His fervent Love for me, and His faithful transformation process. Much like the caterpillar that is melted down just before being transformed, or reformed, into a butterfly. A stunningly different creature than it was before. Much increased in both beauty and freedom.

 

This is very timely and appropriate! Shabbot is the celebration of creation, and besides that we are celebrating Yom Teruah, and Rosh Hashana, when teshuvah is a seasonal privilege and obligation for those in Israel who do not know that Messiah has come on their behalf, and are, therefore, still trying to make up for the loss of Temple sacrifices, Those who long for their named to be inscribed for another year of life! This is a national time of soul searching and repentance of known sin, and an offering of Tzedekah (charitable giving) to perhaps merit forgiveness for those sins which are not known!

 

Of course we who are in the Anointed One, who came in the person of Yeshua of Nazarith, can "relax" a bit, knowing that we are secure in His love. But still, though the sacrifice is available to us, the requirements are the same! We must still accept His gift, we still must repent and make Teshuvah! We still must turn from disobedience to Torah as Yeshua lived and taught it, and to obedience to it. For He was plain about how He would differentiate between those who love Him and those who do not...."If you love me, you will keep my Commandments!". Which commandments did He teach? Torah!

 

He said plainly that He came to fulfill it, that He only said and did what His Father said and did! Etc. So we are without excuse who have trodden the Torah under our feet, judging it as colloquial, legalistic, non-essentials, when G-d clearly called it a forever covenant. Now I am not saying that the way we go about obeying it is the same as the Pharisees did! That is impossible anyway until the the LORD returns and restores that system with Himself as King and Cohen ha Gadol! But by the Ruach ha Kodesh, this is the time when we learn to deny the flesh and be led by His Spirit, and we can not follow any spirit that leads us away from His Word! So He is working faithfully in us, those of us who will emerge ourselves in His Word, to renew our minds, transform us into His character, and make us worthy to be called children of G-d! So that on that day we will find that our name has been inscribed! Yeshua said plainly, "Not everyone who calls me Adonai will enter into the Kingdom of G-d, but he who does the will of my Father who sent me!" I don't think it gets any plainer than that. If we call Him LORD then we are required to obey Him...

 

And so, the journey continues. Selah...

 

Oh, and LaShana Tovah Tikatevu! May your name be inscribed (in the book of life) for another good year!

 

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  • : SELAH Jubilee Lady Writes 4 Shalom
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  • Sandra Carlton Duncan
  • I am a devoted follower of Yeshua, the Messiah. I have been married to Gene Duncan II for 37  years, and counting. I have 7 children, 3 boys & 4 girls - all grown up. They have been home educated, K-12. I also write, hence the blog  (including, but not limited to: children's books, poems, and personal growth art. ) Please stay tuned as I share my personal journey through poems and writing.
  • I am a devoted follower of Yeshua, the Messiah. I have been married to Gene Duncan II for 37 years, and counting. I have 7 children, 3 boys & 4 girls - all grown up. They have been home educated, K-12. I also write, hence the blog (including, but not limited to: children's books, poems, and personal growth art. ) Please stay tuned as I share my personal journey through poems and writing.

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