A Meditation On Beauty For Ashes

Abbi (My Father), Yeshua (Jesus), Ruach Ha'Kodesh (Holy Spirit of G-d),

You've turned, and are continually turning my mourning into joy, and replacing my ashes with something beautiful for Your Glory!

The ashes have come from the fires of purification, wherein evil was purged from my soul. They have come from the evil memories, that once haunted the innermost workings of my sub-conscious being, that are now turned to mere ash by the fires of Your fervent, clean Holiness and Love. They were specters that existed solely to cause shame, grief, bitterness and pain, the mirages, the horrific holograms, of what happened long ago, etched into the memory of my very cells – but now they are no more. They, the ashes, are the only remnants of the enemies of my soul, sent by Satan for my destruction, that have met with the fires of Your fierce vengeance. And then, so that I am not just an urn of wreaking death, yet another solemn grave, and sorrowful monument to what “was”, You came to me, bringing an exchange. And what a glorious exchange!

You came bringing Your Beautiful Pure, Dazzlingly clean, White Holiness for the ashes, that are all that is left, of my shameful filth; Your Overwhelming Victory, for the ashes of the years of constant defeat; Your healing for the ashes of the burned up ruin, caused by the negative mental strain of being rejected and abused by those who should have protected and loved; Your Joy to replace to mourning of all that was lost. And the list was so long: Innocence - joyful, trusting childhood innocence; Freedom, to grow into Your plan of Blessing for me; Love, that should have been mine – but it couldn't get through the line of generational strongholds; the “Me” that you designed – that became only shattered fragments and then ashes, the Dreams of a whole, vibrant, fulfilled life; to name but a few.

But instead of dried, sticky, rancid, ashes that can proclaim nothing but death, and can bring only the tattered garments mourning, You have picked me up from the ash heap of perpetual mourning, You have cleaned the residue of death off me, and dressed me in Your very own garments of Purity, Praise and Unfathomable Joy! Where there was only an Urn of Deadness that was “Me”, You have transformed me into a vessel of living water to be poured out for the thirsty! A vessel that will never again run dry! Joy for mourning! Life for death! Beauty for ashes! A Planting of the Lord that He may be glorified!

It is difficult to grasp and mentally assimilate. Yet so wonderfully awesome to contemplate! Though I will most likely never get hold of it entirely, still, it dawns slowly like that majestic sunrise over the first, freshly created, perfect, pure, G-d designed, Garden! Bringing its light to a waking world of wonder. And like those first beings (they, having never known anything other than perfect fellowship with You, and I just beginning to taste it), I bask in Your ineffable Goodness and drink it in! And the more I do, the more the ashes are transformed into life-bearing water, which vibrates with Your own reflection! Where there was a monster of terror, there is now a monument, wonderfully and skillfully sculpted, To Your Abundant Grace and Endless Love.

I am now Your planting, and You are the awesome Gardener! Be Glorified Oh Lord. Thank You (As insufficient as that seems),

Abbi & Company, YOU ROCK!!!!

Your Eternally Grateful, Greatly relieved,

Cherished One.

SCD July 4th, 2010